CCCLXII.—TWICE RUINED.
"I never was ruined but twice," said a wit; "once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I gained one."
CCCLXIII.—Q.E.D.
A country schoolmaster was met by a certain nobleman, who asked his name and vocation. Having declared his name, he added, "And I am master of this parish."—"Master of this parish," observed the peer, "how can that be?"—"I am master of the children of the parish," said the man; "the children are masters of their mothers, the mothers are rulers of the fathers, and consequently I am master of the whole parish."
CCCLXIV.—SHORT STORIES.
Sir Walter Scott once stated that he kept a lowland laird waiting for him in the library at Abbotsford, and that when he came in he found the laird deep in a book which Sir Walter perceived to be Johnson's Dictionary. "Well, Mr. ——," said Sir Walter, "how do you like your book?"—"They're vera pretty stories, Sir Walter," replied the laird; "but they're unco' short."
CCCLXV.—ON A LADY WHO SQUINTED.
If ancient poets Argus prize,
Who boasted of a hundred eyes,
Sure greater praise to her is due,
Who looks a hundred ways with two.
CCCLXVI.—AN ORIGINAL ATTRACTION.
Foote one evening announced, for representation at the Haymarket Theatre, "The Fair Penitent," to be performed, for that night only, by a black lady of great accomplishments.