CCCLXXVII.—BREVITY.
Dr. Abernethy, the celebrated physician, was never more displeased than by hearing a patient detail a long account of troubles. A woman, knowing Abernethy's love of the laconic, having burned her hand, called at his house. Showing him her hand, she said, "A burn."—"A poultice," quietly answered the learned doctor. The next day she returned, and said, "Better."—"Continue the poultice," replied Dr. A. In a week she made her last call and her speech was lengthened to three words, "Well,—your fee?"—"Nothing," said the physician; "you are the most sensible woman I ever saw."
CCCLXXVIII.—EPIGRAM.
If L—d—d—y has a grain of sense,
He can be only half a lord 'tis clear;
For from the fact we draw the inference,
He's that which never has been made a peer.
CCCLXXIX.—A BROAD-BRIM HINT.
A quaker said to a gunner, "Friend, I counsel no bloodshed; but if it be thy design to hit the little man in the blue jacket, point thine engine three inches lower."
CCCLXXX.—AN ORDER FOR TWO.
At the last rehearsal of "Joanna," Mr. Wild, the prompter, asked the author for an order to admit two friends to the boxes; and whether Mr. Cumberland was thinking of the probable proceeds of his play, or whether his anxiety otherwise bewildered him, cannot be ascertained; but he wrote, instead of the usual "two to the boxes"—"admit two pounds two."
CCCLXXXI.—EPIGRAM FROM THE ITALIAN.
His hair so black,—his beard so gray,
'Tis strange! But would you know the cause?
'Tis that his labors always lay,
Less on his brain than on his jaws.