CDXXXIII.—EPIGRAM BY A PLUCKED MAN.
Every Cantab, it is presumed, knows where Shelford Fen is, and that it is famous for rearing geese. A luckless wight, who had the misfortune to be plucked at his examination for the degree of B.A., when the Rev. T. Shelford was his examiner, made the following extemporaneous epigram:—
"I have heard they plucked geese upon Shelford Fen,
But never till now knew that Shelford plucked men."
CDXXXIV.—THE MEASURE OF A BRAIN.
One afternoon, when Jerrold was in his garden at Putney, enjoying a glass of claret, a friend called upon him. The conversation ran on a certain dull fellow, whose wealth made him prominent at that time.
"Yes," said Jerrold, drawing his finger round the edge of his wineglass, "that's the range of his intellect, only it had never anything half so good in it."
CDXXXV.—FOOTE AND LORD TOWNSEND.
Foote, dining one day with Lord Townsend, after his duel with Lord Bellamont, the wine being bad, and the dinner ill-dressed, made Foote observe, that he could not discover what reason could compel his lordship to fight, when he might have effected his purpose with much more ease to himself. "How?" asked his lordship. "How?" replied the wit, "why you should have given him a dinner like this, and poisoned him."
CDXXXVI.—UNREASONABLE.
"Tom," said a colonel to one of his men, "how can so good and brave a soldier as you get drunk so often?"—"Colonel," replied he, "how can you expect all the virtues that adorn the human character for sixpence a-day?"