Oh that English people, who regard polygamy as something dreadful, could have witnessed that small scene! The wish, escaping Barakah at unawares, begot a heartache, as she realized that all she saw and heard for their instruction was thwarted of its natural vent for evermore.
She told herself that she was happy in this life; and so she was upon the surface, where she kept her thoughts, not daring to pry down into the depths. In the early days she had desired more knowledge of the Muslim faith, and a woman learned in religion had been hired to teach her. But the fury of that faith, the scathing nature of its truths, appalled her, awaking recollections of a creed more sentimental, with distressing doubts. She very soon gave up her lessons, closed the eyes of her intelligence, and resolutely sought her pleasure in the passing hour.
Still there were moments when vague fears oppressed her. When, in the third year of her marriage, she brought forth a still-born child, frightful abysses seemed to yawn around her, and for days she was afflicted with a kind of nightmare of misgiving, derived from recollection of the “zâr” and other horrors.
The Eastern ladies were so calm and strong compared with her; they flinched at nothing except impropriety. The slaughter of a thousand sheep at Curban Bairam, turning the kitchen court into a shambles, caused them no disgust. It was ordained of God, they told her, and it fed the poor. They had no horror of disease or death or filthy persons, and, though most cleanly, looked on vermin philosophically. The Turks and the Circassians, with their grand ideals, appeared more dreadful than the Africans, whose faith was childlike. Barakah preferred the latter. Her pleasure was in feasts and little outings, in story-tellers, dancers, and musicians who beguile the time; her only rapture was in adoration of her small Muhammad.
Her hidden yearnings and beliefs clung round the boy. She dwelt in longing for the days when he should be her friend. He was her hope, the product of both parts of her divided life; giving it sense and sequence, and, in the end perhaps, if Allah willed, consistency. She dreamt of a great future for him, to astonish Europe. But in the meanwhile, being sometimes dull, she felt the need of an intelligent, discreet companion.
CHAPTER XXII
On the recurrence of certain anniversaries, at the two Bairams and in the month of Ragab, all Muslim Cairo left the city of the living for the cities of the dead adjoining it upon the east and south. Mothers of sorrow like Murjânah Khânum, whose heart was with her children in the grave, inhabited the mausoleums for a week or more; but the majority performed a one-day visit.
Blue night alive with stars was at her lattice when Barakah was softly roused by her attendants and arrayed in proper garb. She found Leylah Khânum and her daughters waiting for her by the mabeyn screen, where the eunuch had a heap of roses and of henna-flowers to give them, as well as branches of palm and sweet basil. With these they made their way out to the carriage.