Though the King, by an effect of that goodness which is so natural to him, often laid aside his disposition to make our conversation agreeable, the progress of melancholy was very rapid upon my mind. At certain moments every thing was insipid to me. I was convinced of the propriety of what Madam de Maintenon once said, that in every state of life there is a dreadful vacuum. What increased my anxiety was, that I was obliged to put on a gay appearance, at the very time that the most gnawing grief preyed upon me.
Here will I say, to the scandal of human greatness, that notwithstanding the favour I possessed, and the brilliant elevation of my fortune, I several times resolved upon quitting the court—Ambition alone doubtless with-held me, for we sacrifice all things to our predominant passion. It was this same ambition that, having raised me to the pinnacle of grandeur, made me pass more unhappy days than those which would have glided away, if I had remained in a less distinguished state. Every body envied my fate, and no one thought but that I was the happiest of women: but the state of my felicity was far from corresponding with the idea the world entertained of it.
Those who aspire to a more elevated sphere than that wherein virtue has placed them, fancy that riches, rank, grandeur and titles, contribute to happiness, and that in these imaginary advantages felicity centers. This is a fallacious opinion; when once we are accustomed to these things, they seldom afford us any gratification. The idea which we frame of them, pleases us more than possession itself. Neither magnificent palaces, superb furniture, nor the most valuable jewels in Europe, which I possessed, could make me happy.
The Count de Maurepas, who had compelled me to request the King to grant him an exile, signified to some persons about me, that he should like to obtain leave to reside in common at Pontchartrain. This castle is situated near Versailles, and he was expressly forbid, upon leaving court, to reside there. I voluntarily took upon myself to obtain this permission for him. I asked it of the King, who said to me, in granting it,—“Indeed, Madam, I admire your noble soul; the Count de Maurepas has grievously offended you, and you, nevertheless, interest yourself in his behalf.”
When the Count’s friends found that the King so easily granted what was requested in his favour, they spoke to me about his recall to court: But I refused to employ my credit to obtain this fresh indulgence. This was the only thing wherein Lewis XV. possessed unshakeable fortitude. I do not know, that notwithstanding all this Prince’s favour, with which I was honoured, I could in this have succeeded. The attempt might have been dangerous to myself: We should never expose ourselves to a refusal: it is the first step that leads to indifference.
It was then publicly said, that this minister was indebted for this favour to the Cardinal de la Rochefoucault and the Duke de Nivernois, his relations, who at that time had some interest at court: but the truth is, that neither the one or the other had any share in it.
The King was always surrounded with remonstrances from his parliaments. I complained to the gentlemen of the gown, of the disturbances which they themselves created in the state, by their obstinacy. They always answered me, that they laboured for the glory of the King, the welfare of the state, and the happiness of the people. It is, in my opinion, a great abuse of the administration in France, that private individuals, born in obscurity, and almost constantly without any other merit than that of having purchased an employment for two or three thousand louis d’ors, should consider themselves as part of the monarchy, and be continually struggling with the royal authority. Marshal Saxe, before he died, told the King, “Sire, I advise you to reimburse your parliaments; for it is from the value of their employment, that these people derive their consequence.”
These disputes brought religion into contempt. An author, who, supposing that the Bull Unigenitus was entirely destroyed, as the parliament wanted to compel the curates to administer to sick people, suspected of Jansenism, published a performance under this title, “The funeral oration of that most high and powerful Princess, the Bull UNIGENITUS.”
It has been observed, that such books as these corrupt the morals more than heresy itself. The parliament, who would not submit to the King, said, that they opposed the schism. The Jansenists, who were refused the administration of the sacraments, maintained with all their might, that the gates of heaven were shut against them, in opposing the will of God; which was a schism in this doctrine, as they allowed of no flexibility in Providence: wherefore Mr. Maillebois, the father, said, that the Jansenists were guilty of heresy against their own sect; for they wanted to force predestination, after having taught that it was immutable.
This scene, which continued for several years, made France quite ridiculous. The protestants of the kingdom, who were forbidden to speak, said nothing: but those in foreign countries avenged their brethren’s taciturnity, by publishing the most poignant satires against those disputes, without considering that the same principles amongst them produce the same divisions.