“I am surprised to find hell such a beautiful place.”
“Well,” the man replied, “you must remember that there have been a great many clever people here for many years, so the place has greatly improved. You ought to have seen it when I came here.”
“Indeed? And who are you?”
“I am Voltaire.”
“I am very glad to meet you, Voltaire, and I wish you would do me a favor.”
“With pleasure. What is it?”
“Get some one to buy my return ticket, please.”
Colonel Ingersoll arrived late one evening at a Clover Club dinner in Philadelphia, to which he had been invited, and while looking for his seat he regarded the decorations so admiringly that Governor Bunn exclaimed:
“You’ve found heaven at last, Colonel, and a place waiting for you.”
At a Lambs’ Club dinner in New York, of which the late Steele MacKaye was chairman, Ingersoll was formally introduced and made a speech, in the course of which he made so unfortunate a remark about Deity that he sat down amid silence so profound as to be painful. MacKaye arose and with admirable tact brought the Club and the speaker en rapport by saying: