COM. Wall, I hed an idee that a spinster was allus a woman. (Scratching his head.)
EIGHTH PUPIL. My book says that er means one who, and anyway baker means one who bakes, and builder means one who builds—and—
FIRST PUPIL. Does Quaker mean one who quakes?
COM. That ain’t to the p’int, as I ken see!
EIGHTH PUPIL. Well, a spinster is one who spins, ain’t it?
COM. Mebbe, mebbe! But heow ken ye say that of Seth Crane, that never did a useful thing in his life?
EIGHTH PUPIL. I should think that any fellar that spins a top ’ud be a spinster.
COM. Wal, you’ve got me there, youngster. I reckon ye’re right. Next, tell me the meaning of excruciating.
GIRL (glibly). Excruciating means that natural and peculiar prohibition of undulatory and molecular attraction which encompasses the plausibility of capillary promulgation and gelatinous hyperbole, while giving an enallage of paradigms.
COM. That’s a likely gal. You’ll make a good housekeeper one of these days. Ef my wife hed sech a mem’ry as that, I shouldn’t carry her letters in my pocket tu weeks before mailin’ ’em.