Little Wolf: A Tale of the Western Frontier

by Mary Ann Mann Cornelius

Fifth, put that air yeller silk handkercher in my pocket.

Sixth, clar my throat.

Seventh, go at it loud.

I don't expect fur to say nothin new on the subject of temperance, but it wont du fur tu say nothin cause you can't get up no new ideas. Now supposen a neat housekeeper shouldn't hev nothin fur to say, tu a parcel of careless heedless boys and gals, cause she must say the same old thing over every day. Hezekiah clean yer feet. Matilda, hang up yer shawl. Susan Maria put away yer gloves, what kind of a house du ye think that air would be, all topsy turvey and kivered with dirt? If them air children don't mind at fust, she keeps up that air kind of talk from one year's end tu 'tother, and ginerally speaking they grow up tu be orderly men and women.

Just so we've got to hammer and ding away at the temperance cause from generation to generation, if we want our children tu be nice temperate men. Never mind gitten up no new ideas: tech not, taste not, handle not, is good enough for any age. Then agin, ken ye expect yer boys fur tu be tidy when yer own feet are dirty and yer things out of place over the hull house? Them are little shavers think it's big tu du what daddy does and they are pretty nigh sartin fur to drink that air nasty lager beer if daddy does. Hev a mat at yer door and keep yer own feet clean, and hev Hezekiah and Matilda and Susan Maria put theirn there, tu. That's the way fur tu du.

Some say, a little wine won't hurt a pussen; some say, lager beer won't hurt a pussen; some say, cider won't hurt nobody: but I say, the infarnel stuff which makes men drunk, no matter what name it goes by, is the stuff fur to let alone. It's the infarnel stuff, that makes holes in yer wallets and holes in yer breeches, and holes in yer winders, and holes in yer wife's heart, and kivers yer children all over with holes; and last of all opens a big hole in the ground fur ye tu slide through inter the infarnel regions.

I hev had it thrown inter my face that Jesus Christ hisself, made wine out of water, fur weddins, and the govenor of the feast said it was the best they hed hed. I ain't no doubt of it nuther, jest fur two reasons, fust, it was made of water, second, Jesus Christ hisself made it, and ye may bet all yer new clothes, He wouldn't hev done nothin to hurt nobody, I wouldn't have been afeared myself, fur tu drink wine made of water, by Jesus Christ. I reckon we don't get no such now days. Like enough, one reason for his makin it was fur tu hender 'em from gittin any more of the miserable intoxicating stuff. One thing is sartin, if he was God, he wouldn't dispute hisself, and the Bible expressly says, 'Look not upon the wine—fur in the end it biteth like a sarpent and stingeth like an adder.'

I don't profess fur tu know much about scriptur, but a nice leetle gal pinted that air varse out to me, and she pinted out another which said, 'No drunkard ken enter the kingdom of heaven.' Howsoever, I ain't no preacher, and like enough tham air black coats hev got up some big idee that clars up the hull subject. My religion is tu do the best we kin, and we needn't be shaky about the futur. I've been a advocating that air doctrine this sixty years and folks ginerally sarve me as two leetle boys did not long ago. They was a making a puny leetle dog draw a heavy loaded sled, and I said to them are leetle shavers, 'you'd better turn in and push the sled and help that air tired weakly dog of yourn;' and when I looked back a few minutes after, them air leetle rascals was both riding on top of the load, and had their fingers at their noses a pintin at me.

What people want is fur to have their hearts teched deep, and I don't know how fur tu du it. I could tell stories about what liquor has done, that orter set every one of ye a snivellin powerful, but I reckon you'd ruther hear something funny. Temperance lecturers is generally expected fur tu tell funny stories jest as a farmer is expected fur tu feed out his husks tu them air animals that loves fur tu chaw husks. The grain goes futher when he fodders in that air way.

But I don't know nothin funny connected with the subject of drinking. It is all kivered over with groans and sighs and tears and blood, and ye'd shudder fur tu hear about it, and yer feelins may be would get tu tossin and bilin like mad, but yer wouldn't du nothin. My be in a few minutes you'd treat me as them air boys did, and take a glass of beer with yer neighbors, cause all that biling and tossin is on the surface. It don't go deep enough fur tu make ye act.