Who would be that unhappy Person with all her Grandeur, Wit and Beauty, who gave Occasion to these Reflections? Who would live so infamously, and die so miserably? Whatever Apologies the Interested may invent, what they call Gallantry will find a harsher Name with the Modest and Discreet. Or else Gallantry, under whatever Form, must pass for a scandalous Amusement, not to be allow’d among Persons of Vertue and Honour. It is indeed ridiculous to talk of harmless Gallantry; there is, there can be no such Thing: For besides the Umbrage and Scandal, a Christian must be pure in Heart and Eyes; she who has vow’d her Affections to one, and is his Property, cannot without Injustice, and even Perjury, parcel them out to more.
It is in Distempers of the Mind as in those of the Body, a little Care and Prudence will prevent what requires a long and difficult Regimen to cure: Therefore in both Cases the Aphorism holds; Resist the Beginnings; be early on our Guard. There was a Time when the most abandon’d Sinner would have shrunk with Horror, at what by Degrees becomes familiar, and, as they fancy, natural. The Sap is carry’d on against Vertue as artfully as against a fortified Town, and the Approaches are as methodical: But in this the Case is different, the Besieged cannot fly; whereas Vertue is best secured by avoiding the Enemy. They are sensible of this, and therefore nothing more common than that silly Maxim, That Vertue is not Vertue till it has been tried. This is a Mortar-piece that has done more Execution than all their other Arts; for Self-confidence is always a Prelude to Destruction. The Wife who listens to Admirers runs into Temptation, and sports upon a Precipice. For, as a noble Lord, who knew the World perfectly well, instructs his Daughter, she may as well play with Fire, as dally with Gallantry. I can say nothing so well upon this Subject, as what is writ by this noble Author, whom therefore I beg leave to transcribe:
“The Extravagancies of the Age have made Caution more necessary; and by the same Reason that the too great Licence of ill Men, hath by Consequence in many Things restrained the lawful Liberty of those who did not abuse it, the unjustifiable Freedom of some of your Sex, have involved the rest in the Penalty of being reduced. And though this cannot so alter the Nature of Things, as to make that Criminal, which in it self is Indifferent; yet if it maketh it dangerous, that alone is insufficient to justify the Restraint. A close Behaviour is the fittest to receive Vertue for its constant Guest, because there, and there only, it can be secure. Proper Reserves are the Outworks, and must never be deserted by those who intend to keep the Place; they keep off the Possibility not only of being taken, but of being attempted; and if a Woman seeth Danger at never so remote a Distance, she is for that Time to shorten her Line of Liberty: She who will allow her self to go to the utmost Extents of every thing that is lawful, is so very near going further, that those who lie at watch, will begin to count upon her.
“Mankind, from the double Temptation of Vanity and Desire, is apt to turn every thing a Woman doth to the hopeful Side; and there are few who dare make an impudent Application, till they discern something which they are willing to take for an Encouragement: It is safer therefore to prevent such Forwardness, than to go about to cure it: It gathereth Strength by the first Allowances, and claimeth Right from having been at any Time suffered with Impunity: Therefore nothing is with more Care to be avoided, than such a kind of Civility as may be mistaken for Invitation.”
In the Time of Yore a Knave was no more than a Servant, and possibly a Gallant might originally denote a well-dress’d Coxcomb, who had nothing else to do but to make Parade of his Wit and Cloaths, and perhaps of his Valour in Tournament, to gain the general Admiration of the Ladies, and the Honour of openly professing with Respect and Distance, his Veneration for some celebrated Beauty, or Woman of Merit. But modern Gallantry is quite a different Business: The Gallant, the fine Gentleman in Town, far superior to him upon the Road and all his Undergraduates, in carrying on his Plot, in the artful Contrivance of his Design, and Dexterity in executing it, happily combines the Cunning of the Fox, and the Audacity of the Tyger. Cruel indeed! for he tears the Fame, worries the Vertue, and compleats the Destruction of his unhappy Prey. ’Tis well for him that Christianity as yet prevails among us, for this obliges its Votaries to forgive the highest Injuries: Should the Morality of the honest Heathen, which some are pleas’d to profess, but not to practise, become the Fashion, or the old English Spirit, which has done and suffered so much for Liberty and Property, revive among us, alas! what would become of the pretty Fellows? Would they not run the Risque of being taken for Wolves, or Savages, have a Price set on their Heads, and be exterminated at any rate, that so among rational Persons we might be esteem’d a civiliz’d Nation?
These Destroyers avoided, and better Care taken than usual in Womens Education, Marriage might recover the Dignity and Felicity of its original Institution; and Men be very happy in a married State, if it be not their own Fault. The great Author of our Being, who does nothing in vain, ordained it as the only honourable Way of continuing our Race; as a Distinction between reasonable Creatures and meer Animals, into which we degrade our selves, by forsaking the Divine Institution. God ordained it for a Blessing, not a Curse: We are foolish as well as wicked, when that which was appointed for mutual Comfort and Assistance, has quite contrary Effect through our Folly and Perverseness. Marriage therefore, notwithstanding all the loose Talk of the Town, the Satires of antient, or modern Pretenders to Wit, will never lose its just Esteem from the Wise and Good.
Though much may be said against this, or that Match; though the Ridiculousness of some, the Wickedness of others, and the Imprudence of too many, may provoke our Wonder, or Scorn, our Indignation or Pity; yet Marriage in general is too sacred to be treated with Disrespect, too venerable to be the Subject of Raillery and Buffoonery. None but the Impious will pretend to refine on a Divine Institution, or suppose there is a better Way for Society and Posterity. Whoever scoffs at this, and by odious Representation would possess the married Pair with a frightful Idea of each other, as if a Wife is nothing better than a Domestick Devil, an Evil he must tolerate for his Conveniency; and an Husband must of necessity be a Tyrant or a Dupe; has ill Designs on both, and is himself a dangerous Enemy to the Publick, as well as to private Families.
But upon what are the Satires against Marriage grounded? Not upon the State it self, if they are just, but upon the ill Choice, or foolish Conduct of those who are in it? and what has Marriage consider’d in it self to do with these? When the Blame is laid where it ought to be, not Marriage, but inordinate Passion, Rashness, Humour, Pride, Covetousness, Inconstancy, unjust Suspicions, unnecessary Severity, and, in a Word, a silly, vicious, imprudent Choice, or Conduct, ought to be arraign’d. For why should Marriage be exclaim’d against when Men reap the Fruit of their own Folly? If they will put an unequal Yoke upon their own Necks, they have their Choice, who can they blame for it? If instead of a Help and Comfort, their Courtship has procured them a Plague and Disgrace, who may they thank but themselves: A Man can never be under any sort of Obligation to marry against his Liking, but through some reigning Vice, or want of Fortitude.
Could there be no happy Marriages, Arguments against Matrimony might have their Weight with the Reasonable as well as the Licentious. But since the Laws of God and Man, founded upon Reason and Experience, forbid a Temporary Contract, and engage the married Pair for Life, it is not only possible, but highly probable, and not without many eminent Instances, that there are and may be, happy Marriages; provided we act reasonably in our Choice and Conduct, acquit our selves like wise Men and Christians. So that all we have to say against Matrimony, seems only to shew the Levity, or Impiety of our own Minds: It is no more than a Flourish of Wit, and how prettily soever we may talk, it is but little to the Purpose.
Is it the being tied to One that offends us? Why this ought rather to recommend it to us, and would really do so, were we guided by Reason, and not by Humour or brutish Passion. He who does not make Friendship the chief Inducement to his Choice, and prefer it before any other Consideration, does not deserve a good Wife, and therefore should not complain if he goes without one. Now we can never grow weary of our Friends; the longer we have had them the more they are endear’d to us; and if we have One well assur’d, we need seek no farther, but are sufficiently happy in her. The Love of Variety in this and in other Cases, shews only the ill Temper of our own Mind in that; for instead of being content with a competent Share of Good, thankfully and chearfully enjoying what is afforded us, and patiently bearing with the Inconveniencies that attend it, we would set up our Rest here, and expect Felicity where it is not to be found.