Friendly Visiting among the Poor: A Handbook for Charity Workers

by Mary Ellen Richmond

The woman who has charge of the library first became known to this same visitor over four years ago, {198} when she was struggling upon the verge of starvation, and almost giving up in despair from the effort to support herself and her two children. Through the efforts of the visitor she is now comfortable and practically self-supporting. She has been made librarian for the tenement house by the visitor, and is proud of the distinction. The following are the exact words of the visitor: "She welcomes the children into her room, made scrupulously clean and attractive; and as she sits at her work and listens to their games and readings, in which she frequently participates, her depressed spirits rise, and she seems to gain courage, and to feel that there is after all something bright in her life."—Sixteenth Report of Cincinnati Associated Charities, p. 13.

After Five Years.—The C. family—father, mother, and eight children—were in a very depressed condition when I first made their acquaintance, five years ago. The father, who was a consumptive, had lost his position of travelling postman; the mother was ill; and the only source of income was a monthly pension of $8.00 and about $8.00 a week earned by the three eldest girls, who were saleswomen. The rent was $15.00 a month, and the family heavily in debt. I succeeded in finding them a house for $9.00 a month, and found assistance in flour, coal, and clothing. An unknown friend undertook to add $1.00 a month to {199} Mr. C.'s pension, and this paid the rent. Twice, when the girls were ill, the Golden Book Fund came to the rescue and made up the temporary deficiency. I tried to represent to them the dignity of keeping a roof over their heads by their own efforts. First, it became possible to dispense with the monthly gift of $1.00. Later, when the girls' wages were raised, Mrs. C. told me I need not provide fuel,—they would now try to do that themselves. One summer, whilst I was away, the youngest child died, and the funeral expenses were paid by the family, through much self-denial. Every year the girls have been sent to their friends in the country by the Fresh Air Fund of the Y.W.C.A., and once the younger children were sent to the Children's Country Home. The parents continued in wretched health; but as the girls' wages gradually increased, I was asked by Mrs. C. not to provide further aid, except in case of sickness. In 1891, Mr. C.'s pension was more than doubled, but they continued in their poor and unattractive neighborhood until every debt was paid, not forgetting the doctor. Last summer they moved into a larger house on a pleasant street, and have enough lodgers to pay more than half the rent. Mr. C.'s health has improved, and he has a light position at $25.00 a month and his meals. The oldest girl has married well, the two other girls are good workers, and my old friends sure now well on their feet. During absence we have {200} corresponded regularly. Mrs. C. has learned to come to me in every difficulty, and knows how gladly I share her encouragements.—"Charities Record," Baltimore, Vol. I, No. 1.

Persevering under Difficulties.—We are each year more strongly impressed with the importance and value of patient and careful visiting, even in the face of great discouragement, believing that sincere and judicious friendliness is invariably helpful, although it may be long before any apparent result is produced. Proofs of this are constantly coming to us, as in a German family which has been for the last six years under the care of one of our visitors. The family consists of father, mother, and five children, and, when first visited, they were found almost destitute,—the woman earning a little by picking berries in the summer and selling them, and the man by picking coal,—though they were well able to work. The visitor was received very ungraciously at first, and it was only after finding some work for the man, and showing a real interest in the children, that she gained any hold upon them. No really marked improvement took place until the children went to the Industrial School. Then the girls taught their mother how her work should be done, and it was with great pride that they showed the visitor how neat they had made their rooms. Work was obtained for the man as {201} night-watchman at $12.00 a week, and, after a while, he was able to pay off all his back debts. He is now always glad to see the visitor. Three of the girls are at work, and they seem a happy and prosperous family.—Tenth Report of Boston Associated Charities, p. 55.

Widow with Children.—A typical case of chronic dependence is that of a widow with six children. When she was referred to us, nearly four years ago, her children were very young, and she, though well-meaning, was stupid and inefficient. The problem was not whether aid should be given,—that was clearly necessary, for the woman could not earn anything with her little children to care for,—but if the aid could be given in such a way as to really benefit them. Relief was procured from the proper sources,—$20.00 a quarter from the "Shaw Fund for Mariners' Children," $2.00 a month in groceries from the city, and at times $1.00 a week from the St. Vincent de Paul Society. The visitor who first interested himself in the family, and who has been their friend and counsellor ever since, received the quarterly $20.00 for them, paid the rent with $13.00 of it, and gave the rest to the woman, who knew just what she had to depend upon, and learned to use it properly. As the children grew older, the boy went into a district telegraph office; and the girl, wishing to go into a store, asked the visitor to find her a place. He thought, however, {202} that it was wiser to teach her how to find one, and, after suggesting some good establishments to which to apply, told her to get references from her schoolteacher and others, and go herself to ask for work. This she did with some difficulty, and got a place; and when, after a time, she gave it up, she knew what to do, and had no difficulty in finding another. The boy refused to be apprenticed to a joiner, as the visitor wished, but is working hard in a place he found himself. The second boy goes to school, and sells papers. In summer, the visitor, with the consent of the Conference, has sent the younger children into the country to board for a month. He has taken pains to have the family live in a healthy tenement, and in many ways has insured their well-being. They are now partially self-supporting; and the older children are respectable and industrious, which we feel is greatly due to the influence that the visitor has exerted over them and their mother for four years.—Fourth Report of Boston Associated Charities, p. 40.

A Failure.—Gamma made his first application to the Charity Organization Society seven years ago, at a time when it was even more difficult than now to find volunteer visitors who were intelligent and faithful enough to make a careful study of the needs of families placed under their charge, or courageous enough to carry out any thorough plan of treatment in these {203} families. The man was a German cobbler who had married an American domestic, and at that time there were three children, one of them an imbecile with destructive tendencies. The man said he was discouraged, that he got work with difficulty and had no tools with which to do it. Materials were furnished and members of the Society found work for him, but, this form of assistance not being very much to his mind, they soon lost sight of him, and it was not till several years later that the Society again encountered the family in a different part of the city, and a friendly visitor was secured to study their condition and try and improve it.

The visitor reported that the man was "discouraged," the house filthy beyond description, and that the life of the fourth child, then nine months old, was endangered by the imbecile boy, who was violent at times. Aid was given, and, the man's own theory being that he could do better in another neighborhood, the family was moved and otherwise aided by money secured from benevolent individuals. It soon became apparent that the man lacked energy. He was given to pious phrases, and was a good talker, but all efforts to inculcate industry or cleanliness were met both by man and wife with the excuse that the imbecile boy interfered with all their efforts.

At the family's own solicitation, the Society tried to find a home for the boy; after months of negotiations {204} he was placed in the School for Feeble-minded at Owing's Mills. This burden removed, the visitor redoubled her efforts to make the home a decent one for the remaining children, but without success. The beds were not made until they were to be slept in, the dishes not washed until they must be used again, and soiled clothing was allowed to stand in soak a week at a time in hot weather, until a heavy scum gathered on the top and the air was poisoned by the stench. The remaining children were unkempt and untrained, and the woman quite indifferent about their condition. The imbecile had improved at Owing's Mills, but, owing to a half-expressed wish of the mother's to see the boy, Gamma brought him home and refused to take him back again. The man's good intentions always seemed to evaporate in fine phrases. He was reported by the neighbors to be drinking, though not heavily, and one morning the visitor received a letter from him saying that she must take care of his family—he could stand it no longer and had left them.

One thing greatly handicapped the visitor at this time and later: the squalor of this family strongly appealed to chance charitable visitors, who helped them liberally because they looked miserable—helped them without knowledge and without plan. It used to be said that every American thinks he can make an after-dinner speech, and it might have been added that every American, or nearly every American, thinks {205} he can administer his own charities judiciously. When we are mistaken in our speech-making ability, we ourselves are the sufferers, but the saddest thing about our charitable blunders is that not we but the poor people are the sufferers. The friendly visitor to the Gammas was a woman of unusual intelligence and devotion. Her failure may be traced to two causes: to the fact that she was not called in earlier, and to the willingness of many good church people to help quite indiscriminately for the asking. They went and looked at the home, saw that it was wretched indeed, and called this "an investigation." "Yes, I've helped the Gammas," they used to say. "I've investigated their condition myself." The way in which Gamma was in the habit of talking about the Bible as his best friend made a great impression on them.

The man's desertion of his family was a mere ruse. He was soon back again, and ready to profit by the help they had obtained. Moving from place to place to avoid rent, they were at last ejected, and the man, wife, and children, including the imbecile, found refuge in the stable of a kind-hearted man who took pity on them. The owner was alarmed, however, when he found the family making no effort to find other quarters, and fearing the imbecile might set fire to the place at any time, he applied to the Charity Organization Society to know what could be done. We offered the woman and children shelter at the Electric Sewing {206} Machine Rooms, until the boy could be sent back to Owing's Mills and the other children committed to the Henry Watson Children's Aid Society, and advised that the man saw wood at the Friendly Inn until he could get work. The man refused to go, but the woman and children came to the Electric Rooms, and with the coöperation of the Society for the Protection of Children, the imbecile was returned to Owing's Mills.

At this juncture the daily papers interfered with our plans for the children by publishing a sensational account of Gamma as a most industrious shoemaker, who had always supported his family until the hard times of the last year had thrown him out of work. Money was sent to the papers for the family. Gamma, who had consented to have two of the children placed in good country homes by the Henry Watson Aid Society, changed his mind, and the old story of indiscriminate charity and indiscriminate filth and neglect began all over again. The gentleman who had given them shelter thought they ought to have another trial. They had had six years' trial already, but this last one was of short duration. In four months their champion returned to say that the Charity Organization Society was right and he was wrong; that he had found Gamma drunken, lazy, and insolent; and that the children raised under his influence must become paupers and criminals. Again the family were ejected, and this {207} time, before public sympathy could interfere, the two older children were committed to the Henry Watson Aid Society, and only the baby left with Mrs. Gamma.