CHAPTER VIII
Richard Englefield listened to the Abbot’s assertion that making of inner vessels of gold for heaven’s use was of more import than were dishes for abbot’s table and for gifts. He agreed, but his mind said, “Since when did you find that out?”
Moreover, he would miss his work. He missed it.
When he came to confession he met another change,—namely, severity in penance. Heretofore he had been the severe one with himself. Now his spiritual fathers took it over. “Why?” asked his mind, but his hunger for holiness and his will harnessed to that hunger rebuked his mind. “Have we not agreed that they are our masters in heavenly law? Then learn the lessons they give! Cease to cavil and question! Did you so with Godfrey the Master Smith?”
He accepted penance, watched, fasted, scourged himself. He grew very thin, less strong of frame than he had been. Sleeplessness, even when he was given or gave himself leave to sleep, fastened itself upon him. It was as though his soul ceaselessly walked a dungeon. “O God, where is thy heaven? If I might see it or feel it!”
The great picture in the church lost its mystery and enchantment and power. It was a dead canvas to him. “O my soul, come thou forth!”
He was kept solitary in his cell. Solitude did not appal him, seeing that he had ever been artist, able to people it. But one day when a strong sunbeam came through the window his mind said loudly, and as it were it shook him by the shoulders. “Why this straitness with thee? What are they about?”
But he was afraid to listen,—Richard Englefield, fearing for his soul. Fear, casting about for aid, found Vanity in a small hidden chamber, sitting there with closed lids, somewhat faint and unnourished. He brought her forth and sent her up, strengthening as she came. “It is seen that I begin to light this monastery! They would trim the lamp.”
Fear, Vanity, Pride and Old Credulity!
At Martinmas the Abbot sent him to Westforest. It was heavy penance for monk to go to Westforest that was small, hard and bare beside Silver Cross, that had rude living, that owned a Prior could give tasks, set one to heavy and distasteful work. Brother Richard Englefield was not put to handwork, but again to watching, fasting, cries to all the Saints, to Jesu and Mary Mother and God the Father.