“Yes, I know. It’s been dreadfully hard to make both ends meet lately, I’ve seen how worried you were. Dear, I don’t want to be a drag; I want to be an inspiration. Promise to let me help you all I can.”
“You always help me.”
“Ah, no, I don’t; I feel it, though you may not.” She paused, and went on again with a tremulous note in her voice: “Justin, I miss you so much sometimes; there are days and days when I feel as if I hadn’t seen you at all!”
“You see all there is of me,” said Justin tersely. “How many times a year do I go out of an evening without you?”
“Yes, I know that; but when I am alone all day with the children and the servants, I think of so many things that I want to say to you when you come home, and then you are tired, or sleepy, or want to read, and I don’t get any chance at all. You never ask me anything, or notice when I don’t feel well; yesterday I had such a headache I could hardly sit up, and you never noticed. Do you think, Justin, that you could feel ill and I not know it?”
“No, I suppose not,” said Justin. “But I’m afraid you’ll have another headache to-morrow if you sit up any longer, Lois.”
“No, I will not!” She tossed her head gayly, and also tossed away a bright tear that was ready to fall. Her husband hated to see her cry, it filled him with a cold and unreasoning wrath at which she blindly wondered but was forced to accept as a fact. She knew that she had broken up many happy hours by weeping inopportunely.
She tried to speak evenly as she said: “I didn’t mean that to sound as if I were complaining. I think and think how I can make things—different.”
She pushed her white, blue-veined feet, in their pink slippers, nearer to the blaze, and he put his hand over them protectingly. Although she had been married for nearly eight years, she had not lost a certain girlish trick of modesty, and blushed sweetly at his action and his gaze.
It was a remarkable thing that while marriage after any term of years seemed as though it could be only an antique and commonplace thing, it still held for them the essence of novelty; they were only beginning to act in the great drama, and not at all sure of their parts in it yet. To live one’s own life is a matter of such poignant and absorbing interest that it insensibly creates an individual atmosphere which obscures the large known phenomena of nature.