Here I am at H——, on the wing towards you, and I write now, only to tell you, that you may expect me in the courſe of three or four days; for I ſhall not attempt to give vent to the different emotions which agitate my heart—You may term a feeling, which appears to me to be a degree of delicacy that naturally ariſes from ſenſibility, pride—Still I cannot indulge the very affectionate tenderneſs which glows in my boſom, without trembling, till I ſee, by your eyes, that it is mutual.
I ſit, loſt in thought, looking at the ſea—and tears ruſh into my eyes, when I find that I am cheriſhing any fond expectations.—I have indeed been ſo unhappy this winter, I find it as difficult to acquire freſh hopes, as to regain tranquillity.—Enough of this—lie ſtill, fooliſh heart!—But for the little girl, I could almoſt wiſh that it ſhould ceaſe to beat, to be no more alive to the anguiſh of diſappointment.
Sweet little creature! I deprived myſelf of my only pleaſure, when I weaned her, about ten days ago.—I am however glad I conquered my repugnance.—It was neceſſary it ſhould be done ſoon, and I did not wiſh to embitter the renewal of your acquaintance with her, by putting it off till we met.—It was a painful exertion to me, and I thought it beſt to throw this inquietude with the reſt, into the ſack that I would fain throw over my ſhoulder.—I wiſhed to endure it alone, in ſhort—Yet, after ſending her to ſleep in the next room for three or four nights, you cannot think with what joy I took her back again to ſleep in my boſom!
I ſuppoſe I ſhall find you, when I arrive, for I do not ſee any neceſſity for your coming to me.—Pray inform Mr. ———, that I have his little friend with me.—My wiſhing to oblige him, made me put myſelf to ſome inconvenience——and delay my departure; which was irkſome to me, who have not quite as much philoſophy, I would not for the world ſay indifference, as you. God bleſs you!
Yours truly,
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LETTER XXXIX
Brighthelmſtone, Saturday, April 11.
Here we are, my love, and mean to ſet out early in the morning; and, if I can find you, I hope to dine with you to-morrow.—I ſhall drive to ———'s hotel, where ——— tells me you have been—and, if you have left it, I hope you will take care to be there to receive us.
