"Endeavouring to prove to me that nothing which deſerved the name of love or friendſhip, exiſted in the world, he drew ſuch animated pictures of his own feelings, rendered permanent by diſappointment, as imprinted the ſentiments ſtrongly on my heart, and animated my imagination. Theſe remarks are neceſſary to elucidate ſome peculiarities in my character, which by the world are indefinitely termed romantic.
"My uncle's increaſing affection led him to viſit me often. Still, unable to reſt in any place, he did not remain long in the country to ſoften domeſtic tyranny; but he brought me books, for which I had a paſſion, and they conſpired with his converſation, to make me form an ideal picture of life. I ſhall paſs over the tyranny of my father, much as I ſuffered from it; but it is neceſſary to notice, that it undermined my mother's health; and that her temper, continually irritated by domeſtic bickering, became intolerably peeviſh.
"My eldeſt brother was articled to a neighbouring attorney, the ſhrewdeſt, and, I may add, the moſt unprincipled man in that part of the country. As my brother generally came home every Saturday, to aſtoniſh my mother by exhibiting his attainments, he gradually aſſumed a right of directing the whole family, not excepting my father. He ſeemed to take a peculiar pleaſure in tormenting and humbling me; and if I ever ventured to complain of this treatment to either my father or mother, I was rudely rebuffed for preſuming to judge of the conduct of my eldeſt brother.
"About this period a merchant's family came to ſettle in our neighbourhood. A manſion-houſe in the village, lately purchaſed, had been preparing the whole ſpring, and the ſight of the coſtly furniture, ſent from London, had excited my mother's envy, and rouſed my father's pride. My ſenſations were very different, and all of a pleaſurable kind. I longed to ſee new characters, to break the tedious monotony of my life; and to find a friend, ſuch as fancy had pourtrayed. I cannot then deſcribe the emotion I felt, the Sunday they made their appearance at church. My eyes were rivetted on the pillar round which I expected firſt to catch a glimpſe of them, and darted forth to meet a ſervant who haſtily preceded a group of ladies, whoſe white robes and waving plumes, ſeemed to ſtream along the gloomy aiſle, diffuſing the light, by which I contemplated their figures.
"We viſited them in form; and I quickly ſelected the eldeſt daughter for my friend. The ſecond ſon, George, paid me particular attention, and finding his attainments and manners ſuperior to thoſe of the young men of the village, I began to imagine him ſuperior to the reſt of mankind. Had my home been more comfortable, or my previous acquaintance more numerous, I ſhould not probably have been ſo eager to open my heart to new affections.
"Mr. Venables, the merchant, had acquired a large fortune by unremitting attention to buſineſs; but his health declining rapidly, he was obliged to retire, before his ſon, George, had acquired ſufficient experience, to enable him to conduct their affairs on the ſame prudential plan, his father had invariably purſued. Indeed, he had laboured to throw off his authority, having deſpiſed his narrow plans and cautious ſpeculation. The eldeſt ſon could not be prevailed on to enter the firm; and, to oblige his wife, and have peace in the houſe, Mr. Venables had purchaſed a commiſſion for him in the guards.
"I am now alluding to circumſtances which came to my knowledge long after; but it is neceſſary, my deareſt child, that you ſhould know the character of your father, to prevent your deſpiſing your mother; the only parent inclined to diſcharge a parent's duty. In London, George had acquired habits of libertiniſm, which he carefully concealed from his father and his commercial connections. The maſk he wore, was ſo complete a covering of his real viſage, that the praiſe his father laviſhed on his conduct, and, poor miſtaken man! on his principles, contraſted with his brother's, rendered the notice he took of me peculiarly flattering. Without any fixed deſign, as I am now convinced, he continued to ſingle me out at the dance, preſs my hand at parting, and utter expreſſions of unmeaning paſſion, to which I gave a meaning naturally ſuggeſted by the romantic turn of my thoughts. His ſtay in the country was ſhort; his manners did not entirely pleaſe me; but, when he left us, the colouring of my picture became more vivid—Whither did not my imagination lead me? In ſhort, I fancied myſelf in love—in love with the diſintereſtedneſs, fortitude, generoſity, dignity, and humanity, with which I had inveſted the hero I dubbed. A circumſtance which ſoon after occurred, rendered all theſe virtues palpable. [The incident is perhaps worth relating on other accounts, and therefore I ſhall deſcribe it diſtinctly.]
"I had a great affection for my nurſe, old Mary, for whom I uſed often to work, to ſpare her eyes. Mary had a younger ſiſter, married to a ſailor, while ſhe was ſuckling me; for my mother only ſuckled my eldeſt brother, which might be the cauſe of her extraordinary partiality. Peggy, Mary's ſiſter, lived with her, till her huſband, becoming a mate in a Weſt-India trader, got a little before-hand in the world. He wrote to his wife from the firſt port in the Channel, after his moſt ſucceſſful voyage, to requeſt her to come to London to meet him; he even wiſhed her to determine on living there for the future, to ſave him the trouble of coming to her the moment he came on ſhore; and to turn a penny by keeping a green-ſtall. It was too much to ſet out on a journey the moment he had finiſhed a voyage, and fifty miles by land, was worſe than a thouſand leagues by ſea.
"She packed up her alls, and came to London—but did not meet honeſt Daniel. A common miſfortune prevented her, and the poor are bound to ſuffer for the good of their country—he was preſſed in the river—and never came on ſhore.
"Peggy was miſerable in London, not knowing, as ſhe ſaid, 'the face of any living ſoul.' Beſides, her imagination had been employed, anticipating a month or ſix weeks' happineſs with her huſband. Daniel was to have gone with her to Sadler's Wells, and Weſtminſter Abbey, and to many ſights, which he knew ſhe never heard of in the country. Peggy too was thrifty, and how could ſhe manage to put his plan in execution alone? He had acquaintance; but ſhe did not know the very name of their places of abode. His letters were made up of—How do you does, and God bleſs yous,—information was reſerved for the hour of meeting.
