'Nulla placere diu nec vivere carmina possunt Quæ scribuntur aquæ potoribus.'
I hate and detest your aquæ potoribus, all your drink-waters, and your water-drinkers, they are beyond all compare the very worst description of enemies that our profession has to contend with: so no more of this; give me your drinkers of aqua vitæ, and honest stout-hearted topers of genuine Drogheda usque-baugh; these are the generous souls whose quaffing I admire, and whose fees I dearly prize. But come, my brave Captain, notwithstanding we must positively have your chronicle."
"Well, Sir Patricius, since it must be so, here it is.
CAPTAIN HEAVISIDE'S CHRONICLE,
BEING AN EXCELLENT NEW ANACREONTIC, AND WRITTEN BY
CAPTAIN DRINKWATER OF THE HORSE-GRENADIERS.
Julia first met me with bright sparkling eye; Next Sally so sober, yet so very sly, Margery, matchless at grin and grimace; Then Susan so simple, with innocent face. Betty was breathless when told of a fray, And Judy in sooth would have her own way: Of Nelly 'tis needless ought for to tell, On ev'ry occasion she bore off the belle.
There was rattling, laughing, roaring young Kate, Who many did think was perturbed in her pate: Of Kathlane so cunning, and Mollys a score, Och, I could sing till I tired you sore. Let this little sample the truth only tell, That, ah! I have lov'd too long and too well!"
"Olet lucernam, good master Heaviside! methinks it smells somewhat rather too strong of the lamp. Nay, nay, come noble Captain, I say, cheer up man! never mind, my brave boy, for in faith I like your chronicle, master Heaviside, passing well; and the very first open day, to speak the vox parliamentaria, that is to express, that the first day that the Duke shall dine abroad——hah, hah, which, 'fore Jupiter, egad he does this very day—aye, good—very good,