Ladies of high rank usually visited in their state sedan-chairs, which were stuffed, and lined with white and pink satin, and externally decorated with different rich ornaments; large silk tassels dangled at the four angular points of the roof, and the highest top, or pinnacle, was surmounted by a gilt coronet reposing on a crimson cushion; three, sometimes four, footmen, according to the rank of the individual, habited in splendid liveries, and arranged in single files, preceded the sedan-chair, each bearing a lighted flambeau. And sooth to say, some of the old dowagers, when the doubtful light of the flambeau flashed upon their withered visages, incontinently reminded the spectator of the waxen figure of queen Elizabeth in the glass-case at Westminster-Abbey!
The drawing-room night arrived, and was crowded by numbers of the nobility and gentry of both sexes, when the old and the young were assembled together. It was indeed a splendid scene—a galaxy of beauty and magnificence; the dresses were superb; and bright and brilliant were the blaze of gems and jewels that adorned the brows, ears, and encircled the lovely necks of the young, and sparkled on those of a more matronly description. The youthful and lovely fair presenting no unfavourable specimen of the beauty of the daughters of Erin; their cheeks rivalling the rose, and blushing in graceful adolescence; while their lovely bosoms, glowing in healthful bloom, reflected a pearly radiance around the diamonds which sparkled upon and adorned them.
Several ladies of the nobility and gentry, amounting to many hundreds, were presented, and all of whom were most graciously received by the truly kind and agreeable Duchess.
The amusements of the evening commenced. Several grave minuets were danced in a most marvellous solemn pace; to these succeeded the minuet de lá Cour, which was danced by Sir Patricius Placebo and Lady Letitia Raymond, to the great entertainment of the Duke and Duchess, whose gravity, in sooth to say, was upon this occasion quite borne down and vanquished. Then followed cotillions, which were succeeded by contre-dances, which ended the amusements of the night. Numerous card-tables were placed, and were not unoccupied by the elder part of the assemblage, many of whom went away with their purses many a minus diminished, when they at solemn leisure reckoned their losses on the said night or ensuing morning. But the fun and the drollery of the evening seemed to concentrate in the ridicule attached to Sir Philip Fumbally, a civic knight and alderman, who somewhat resembled, in corporal shape and form, the paunch of Falstaff, with all the stiffness of mine ancient Pistol—aye, and the very nose of renowned Bardolph! However we must take up the brush and finish our portrait. Sir Philip was in stature about four feet five, a perfect rotundity in corpulence, fat short hands, fat short legs; and his face—oh, ye gods, such a face was his! Forehead, he had none! his hair was red, his small ferret eyes were grey, if eyes they could be called, which were indeed to him no windows of the soul! but closed as if under the awful influence of Somnus! His nose was flat, and in colour ruddy red, his chubby cheeks the same; and his mouth opened and grinned with all the agreeability of a cayman or crocodile! His laugh and look were horrid, the former the diapason of a demon, and the latter the very outline of Memistopheles. Leaning upon his unwieldy arm was seen his long-necked, long-armed, and long-legged ugly lady. The Irish, who are somewhat "both the great, vulgar, and the small," too much given liberally to bestow soubriquets, nicknamed this unparalleled pair flesh and bone! And Sir Patricius Placebo somewhat wittily observed, upon his word of honour, as a true knight, that Lady Fumbally always reminded him of an undertaker's horse, a Rosinante covered with a compound of velvet trappings and nodding plumage, withal to cover the skeleton which they adorned!
When the presentations commenced, Sir Philip, "like a doating mallard," waddled after the unfurled train of "his darling duckie," (by which endearing name he familiarly styled my Lady Fumbally,) it so happened that in discharging this uxorious task he tripped up fairly, or rather foully, his lady's train, and by which losing his equipoise, the worthy knight was very nearly tripped up himself. The courtiers all tittered, and some indeed extended it to a most uncourtly loud laugh. The lady, like unto Lot's wife, would fain turn around in defiance of all courtly etiquette, and her visage seemed deeply to participate in the bouleversement of her velvet train. Here the amiable knight, compassionating her trodden down vanity, fairly took up the said portentous train, which was soon somewhat incontinently snatched by a chamberlain in waiting from the grasp of the knight, and again permitted to perform its meanders on the carpet ad libitum. The laugh and titters were again renewed. Mr. Berenger, who was standing close to Sir Patricius Placebo, seemed to be quite roused from his usual nonchalance, and whispered Sir Patricius, "this is too bad, risu ineptu nulla res ineptior est; (nothing is so foolish as the laugh of fools!) however, we courtiers are always too fond of a laugh, that is to say, (crede experto,) provided that it be never directed against ourselves! Sir Patricius, we (with his fore-finger touching the facial nerve of his nose) have been at the court of good old Carolus!"
The worthy Baronet, to whom these observations were addressed, did not commit himself by one single comment, but silently nodded, and was meantime taking snuff with immoderate rapidity, and in no stinted quantities; and when these piquant remarks were made by the ornament of the old court, Sir Patricius politely and gently as possible laughed (voce depresso) his heh, heh, heh, and his ahem! "Yes, yes, Mr. Berenger, indeed we have seen the world!—ahem!