"Well, your Riverence, no sooner said than done," says poor Phelim O'Neale; "by —— I will swear no more!"
"There again!—swearing an oath that you will not swear! Who ever heard the like before;—what impious inconsistency!"
"Your pardon, Riverend Father, for this time, and you shall no more catch me tripping, nor stumbling, nor swearing. Och, murder! although I have endured enough to make any feeling Christian swear hard enough—at times, any how, to be sure! by —— I mean maybe through a thick deal board itself! Well, your Riverence, to continue the thrid of my story:—Count Dillon one day took me aside, and said, 'Phelim, I clearly persave that you are a quick, cute lad, and you must assist me in a plan which I have in disjunction joined with the Marshal Rantzau, for suddenly surprising Ostind, and taking it by a parabolous stratagism, the most admirable and intripid that was ever known, thought of, or yet imagined by any bould pioneer,' as your Riverence shall hear anon. It was in the month of June, and upon the memorable fifteenth day thereof, in the year 1600 and—though I can't precisely recollect the date upon which we resolved for the execution of this intended daring and glorious enterprise, for our attacking force consisted of but two thousand men. Our stratigismus was to surprise Ostind by the gate of Nieuport, which lay upon the land side, and next to the town of Nieuport. We hoped that by the introduction of a large body of men we might possibly, perhaps certainly, possess ourselves of the town and citadel of ould Ostind. Accordingly, to be sure, with this intint, we well surveyed the gate; and before that we had geoggraphyz'd the intire country, and all the roads and passes disjacent, whersomby that by every measure and means, and all due secrecy, that our attacking force might be intraducted, and back our noble and elegant enterprise. Accordingly some half dozen soldiers, clad in garb of Flemish peasants, in their blue caps and blue frocks; and wherewithal supporting upon their backs sacks well stored with chesnuts, walnuts, &c., were to seem as if they had brought them for sale into town; and thin, upon an appointed signal, (the sacks loosely tied,) the pretinded peasants were to let them fall, (accidently on purpose no doubt,) and scatter their contints around upon the ground, which was to cause a general scramble, and take off the attention of the guard from the object which we had in view. This having taken place, the fore-said soldiers, or disguised peasants, were to rally around a waggon, or, as they call it here, a charabbon, under the same pretence, laden with baskets of fruit and vegetables, strawberries, cherries, peas, beans, &c. &c. The thing was so managed that within the waggon there were concealed about thirty soldiers. As being the chief projector, the honourable post of heading this desperate attempt, (which, if it succeeded, was soon to be followed by a powerful force,) was consigned, gentle Sirs, to your intripid and very devoted sarvant, Phelim O'Neale."
"And pray, Mr. Phelim O'Neale, if it be not taking too great a liberty, may I inquire what induced Count Dillon to place such confidence in you, and make you the head of the pioneers, or of this stratagem, upon the success of which, it would appear, turned the entire success of the attack?"
"Och, botheration! and that too I will confiss to your Riverence. 'I think,' says I, Curnell, plaze your worthy honour's worship, that I could suggist a matter to your grace's judgment that would, all in all, carry the day, and, in troth, we should soon be in possession of ould Ostind!'
"'Indeed! Mr. Phelim O'Neale; pray tell, are you on the staff?—I suppose a general at least!' said he.
"'Not I, by my own sowl!' says I. 'No, not even a corporal! But then your noble and valiant worship knows, howsomdever, that there is a little fish, not larger than four inches in lingth, and about one in bridth, that pilots and leads on the great commodore of the ocean; I mean, plaze your most noble worship, the pilot fish,[15] that steers onward the mighty shark, the goliathan of the ocean, to the wictims of his prey! What do you think now, noble commander, of this apt dissimilitude?'
"'Oh, pardon, good honest friend O'Neale, vous este une bon garcon!'
"Upon my own conscience we call this better in ould Ireland by the name of gossoon!—but no matter as to that. He then axed me if I had any patience; 'for,' said he, 'you Irish have no patience at all;' and then talked to himself, that the Irish were like one fiery hot Harry Hotspur, an Hottentot I suppose, that had no forbearance nor patience at all, at all!
"'Och, then, noble commander,' said I, 'I am the patient, enduring boy after all; I am stationary as an owl at mid-day within an ivy bush! and as patient and forbearing (baring till the time comes) as a heron perched upon the brink of a fish-brook! Och, then, by my own sowl, 'tis I am the lad that will wait for you till the very cows come home!—troth, sure enough, I would at any hop of the ball!'