Twentieth Century Culture and Deportment / Or the Lady and Gentleman at Home and Abroad; Containing Rules of Etiquette for All Occasions, Including Calls; Invitations; Parties; Weddings; Receptions; Dinners and Teas; Etiquette of the Street; Public Places, Etc., Etc. Forming a Complete Guide to Self-Culture; the Art of Dressing Well; Conversation; Courtship; Etiquette for Children; Letter-Writing; Artistic Home and Interior Decorations, Etc.

by Maud C. Cooke

Gracefully Declined.

If wine is not desired from principle, merely touching the brim of the glass with the finger-tip is all the refusal a well-trained servant needs. A still better plan is to permit one glass to be filled and allow it to stand untasted at your plate. In responding to a health, it is ungracious not to, at least, lift the glass and lets its contents touch the lips.

Never make your refusal of wine conspicuous. Your position as guest in no wise appoints you a censor of your host’s conduct in offering wine at his table, and any marked feeling displayed on the subject would simply show a want of consideration and good breeding.

A dinner given to a person of known temperance principles is often marked, in compliment, by an entire absence of wine.

If there is but one wine served with a simple dinner, it should be Sherry or Claret, and should be in glass decanters on the table. The guests can help themselves; the hostess can offer it immediately after soup.

The announcement of dinner is given as quietly as possible. The butler, or head waiter, who should be in full evening dress, minus gloves, quietly says, “Dinner is served,” or, as in France, “Madame is served.” Better still, he catches the eye of the hostess and simply bows, whereupon she immediately rises, and the guests following her example, the order of the procession to the dining-room is formed at once. The waiters, aside from the head one, are usually in livery.

Order of Precedence.

In the matter of going out to dinner the host takes precedence, giving his right arm to the most honored lady guest. If the dinner is given in honor of any particular guest, she is the one chosen, if not, any bride that may be present, or the oldest lady, or some visitor from abroad. The other guests then fall in line, gentlemen having had their partners pointed out to them, and wherever necessary, introductions are given. The hostess comes last of all, having taken the arm of the gentleman most to be honored. In the dining-room no precedence is observed after the host, save that the younger couples draw back and allow their elders to be seated. Precedence of rank is not as common here as in Europe.

On entering the door, if it is not wide enough to permit of two entering abreast, the gentleman falls back a step and permits the lady to enter first. All remain standing until the hostess seats herself, when the guests find their places, either by means of name cards at their plates, or by a few quiet directions, the gentlemen being seated last. The highest place of honor for gentlemen is at the right of the hostess, the next, at her left, and for ladies at the right and left of their host.

The hostess should never eclipse her guests in her toilet, and neither host nor hostess should endeavor to shine in conversation. To draw out the guests, to lead the conversation in pleasant channels, to break up long discussions, and to discover all possibilities of brilliancy in the company around their board, should be their aim.