Any lady, by profound attention to, and a pleased interest in the subject under consideration, may promote the conversation most skillfully and delightfully. Knowledge of the subject is not always necessary. An English savant, deeply interested in Egyptology, once escorted a young lady out to dinner. His conversation, as a matter of course, turned entirely upon excavations, hieroglyphics, and kindred topics. Upon all these the young lady was profoundly ignorant, but, if unversed in Egyptian lore, she was most thoroughly versed in conversational arts, and, by her speaking glances of intelligence and her pleased smile, so fascinated the man of science that he enthusiastically declared afterward that “Miss L—— was one of the best conversationalists and the most intelligent young lady he had ever met, and that her knowledge of Egyptology was something wonderful.” This, to one who had sat opposite them at table, and could have vouched that the lady in question had not spoken a single word through the entire dinner, was slightly amusing. So strong, however, was the impression left upon the mind of the savant by her interested attention, that it would have been difficult to convince him of the fact.
The Good Listener.
This, even if an exception, shows what attentive listening may accomplish toward social success. Let it be mentioned here, however, that no one individual should be so carried away by a pet hobby as to force conversation into a monologue. A very well-bred man, no matter how great his interest in or eloquence upon any topic may be, always catches at the slightest hint to close the conversation.
A man will always bear in mind that the greatest compliment he can pay a woman is a respectful, deferential attention to her words. There are men whose very manner of listening conveys, in itself, the most delicate flattery.
A woman, in her turn, should always remember that, however interesting her conversation may be, there is always danger that a man may possibly weary of its protracted continuance, and so she should forebear leaving him no loophole for escape. Louise Chandler Moulton enjoins one thing on women which they would do well to recollect, and that is, “if they want a man to stay with them to make it evidently and entirely easy for him to get away. There is something lawless and rebellious in even the best of men; they hate doing things because they are obliged.”
Suitable Topics.
To render conversation agreeable, suitable topics for the company present, if possible, must be chosen. Neither soar above the level of their conversation, nor sink so far beneath it, as to lead them to infer that you possess a very slight opinion of their merits.
In conversing, too many educated men fall into the error of talking commonplaces to all women alike, as if “small talk,” to the exclusion of all weightier matters, were the only species of conversation suited to a woman’s ear. On the contrary, she is more often either hurt or angered at your evident condescension, or, on the other hand, she credits you with just the amount of knowledge that you have evinced in your conversation with her.
In the search after suitable topics it is well to remember that all are pleased by a display of interest in their especial affairs. Thus, by leading the artist to talk of his pictures, the lady amateur of her music, the prima donna of her successes, the mother of her children, the author of his book, you may rest assured that they will always speak of you as a person of great discrimination and a very interesting conversationalist. They in their turn, unless extremely devoid of tact and eminently selfish, will display sufficient regard for your feelings to give an opportunity for waxing eloquent on your part over your own pet topics. Be very careful then not to fall into that besetting fault of good talkers, a monologue, which is fatal to all conversation.
Richard Steele gave a most desirable maxim for conversation when he said: “I would establish one great rule in conversation, which is this, that men should not talk to please themselves, but those that hear them—adapting their words to the place where, the time when, and the person to whom they are spoken.”