Twentieth Century Culture and Deportment / Or the Lady and Gentleman at Home and Abroad; Containing Rules of Etiquette for All Occasions, Including Calls; Invitations; Parties; Weddings; Receptions; Dinners and Teas; Etiquette of the Street; Public Places, Etc., Etc. Forming a Complete Guide to Self-Culture; the Art of Dressing Well; Conversation; Courtship; Etiquette for Children; Letter-Writing; Artistic Home and Interior Decorations, Etc.

by Maud C. Cooke

Length of Visits.

Ceremonious visits should always be short, fifteen to twenty minutes being the outside limit, and a shorter time often sufficing. Even should the conversation become very animated, do not prolong your stay beyond this period. It is far better that your friends should regret your withdrawal than long for your absence. A lull in the conversation, a rising from her seat, or some pretext on the part of the hostess, or the arrival of a guest, all give an opportunity for leave-taking which should be made use of at once.

The Art of Leaving.

Cultivate the art of leaving; nothing will contribute more to your social success. It is said of so brilliant a woman as Madame de Staël that she failed lamentably in this particular, and, on the occasion of her visit to Weimar, made with the avowed intention of intellectually captivating the literary lions of the age, Goëthe and Schiller, she made one fatal mistake, she stayed too long! Goëthe wrote to Schiller: “Madame de Staël is a bright, entertaining person, but she ought to know when it is time to go!” It is also evident from her own statement that she did not know how to go. She lingered after she had started, and if this were an unpardonable sin on the part of so marvelous a woman, it is surely a capital crime on the part of ordinary mortals.

The art of leaving is more thoroughly understood by men than by women. The necessities of business life teach the value of time, and the press and hurry of city circles teach them the art of leaving quickly, so that a social call on the part of a business man is a model of good manners. When he has “had his say” and politely listened to yours, he takes his hat, says “good day,” and is gone from your presence without giving opportunity for those tedious commonplaces of mutual invitations and promises to come again which seem a social formula with so many women.

When Ready to Leave, Go at Once.

Never say, “I must go,” but, when you have finished your visit and rise to depart, go! Never permit yourself to be drawn into touching upon any subject at this critical moment that will necessitate lengthy discourse for yourself and hostess, or force upon you the awkward alternative of reseating yourself to finish the conversation. There is always a certain awkwardness in thus repeating the ceremony of leave-taking which may be avoided by a quick and graceful departure that leaves both host and guest with feelings of the utmost amiability toward one another.

On the other side it is necessary that the host and hostess supplement this laudable endeavor on the part of their guests in order that the departure may be gracefully accomplished. Never detain the visitor, who is attempting to leave, by protests, by inquiries, or by the introduction of new subjects. One writer very pertinently says: “The art of leaving on the part of the guest needs to be supplemented by the art of letting go on the part of the host.”

First Calls.

There is, possibly, more difference of opinion on the subject of who shall make the first visit or call and when it shall be made, than almost any other point of etiquette. At the same time more importance is attached to it than to almost any other social question, and it touches more uniformly every phase of city or country life than any other canon of courtesy.