Gentlemen are permitted to call upon lady friends, Sundays after church and Sunday evenings, business cares being their excuse for not availing themselves of the other days of the week. Of course, if there exists any known objection in the family to Sunday visiting all their friends are bound to respect it.
Reception Days.
If a lady have a known reception day, callers are bound, in common politeness, to make their visits, as far as possible, upon that day. If this is not done, either a card only should be left, or, if a personal visit is intended, particular instructions should be given to the servant to the effect that if “Mrs. Brown is otherwise engaged she is not to trouble herself to come down.” For which thoughtfulness, “Mrs. Brown,” if she be a busy woman, and troubled with many social cares, will cordially thank you.
Unfortunately, it often happens that many of our friends have the same reception day, and one’s own “day” may conflict with that of one’s nearest friend, so that, where the circle of acquaintance is large, much good nature, a few apologies and a great many cards are needed to safely balance the social accounts.
It is considered a rudeness to simply leave a card, when one happens to arrive upon a lady’s reception day, without entering the room for a few moments’ visit.
“Not at Home,” “Engaged.”
The simple and necessary formulæ of, “Not at home,” or “Engaged,” are more frequently questioned than any other social custom. Nevertheless their use is often a necessity, while, on the contrary, their abuse is to be regretted. No suspicion of an untruth need apply to either, for the phrase, “Not at home,” is used with the accepted signification of, “Not at home, for the time being, to any visitors.” If, however, conscience rebels against this so transparent fraud, there is always the alternative of “Engaged,” which carries not the least suspicion of deception with it, but is somewhat less gracious to the ear.
Indeed, were it not for these safeguards, the woman of society must bid good-by to all opportunities for solitude, self-improvement, or the fulfillment of her own social duties.
The servant should be very carefully instructed each morning as to the formulæ to be employed through the day, or such portion of the day as the lady of the house shall require to herself. No lady, after a servant has informed her that the mistress of the house is “not at home,” will question as to her whereabouts, or the probable length of her absence. If she should so far forget her dignity, the well-trained servant will answer all inquiries with a respectful, “I do not know, Madame,” adding, if such be the case, “Mrs. Brown receives on Thursdays.”
Should a servant show evident hesitation upon receiving your card, and say, “I will see if Mrs. Brown is in,” enter the parlor, at the same time saying, “If Mrs. Brown is otherwise engaged, or going out, beg her not to trouble herself.”