At that moment the “poor boy” entered the room. For a boy of sixteen he is enormous: very tall, large, and fat. He has dark hair, a low forehead, with a thick and rebellious tuft of hair growing over it, rather coarse features, and thick lips. He must be immensely strong, but although you could not find a greater contrast to his pale, prim, and dapper father, there is a strong family likeness, nevertheless. You see at once that he is a son of Marcus Aurelius. It is as though the gods had wished to play a huge joke, and had made in the son a caricature, on a large scale, of the father. It is as if one saw the caricature of the most delicate ivory statuette made in coarse clay. He was told to salute me, which he did somewhat awkwardly.
The Empress said: “You must excuse him; he is very shy.”
Upon which I saw that he with difficulty suppressed a shout of laughter by stuffing his fist into his mouth, while his whole body was shaking.
The Emperor did not notice this. He led the way into the dining-room, and we all reclined.
At first there was a dead silence, and then Ummidius Quadratus, who seems to me far the most lively member of the family, said that the quails this year were much fatter than he had ever remembered them.
“Is that so?” said the Emperor. “The best quails I ever ate,” he added, “were those we got near the Danube. Unfortunately, my physician does not allow me to touch meat.”
After this, there was a prolonged silence, which was broken by the Empress saying she did not believe in doctors. “Whenever they are at a loss as to what to prescribe, they ask you what you are fond of eating, and tell you to stop eating it.”
Commodus, as if to show his agreement with his mother’s ideas, at that moment put almost an entire quail into his mouth, and choked in the process. His mother hit him on the back, and told him to look up towards the ceiling. A slave brought him some water.
The Emperor frowned, and told him not to eat so fast.
“It is my habit,” he said, “and a habit which you would do well to imitate, to count twenty-six between each mouthful.”