A Gentleman

by Maurice Francis Egan

It happened that not long ago there lived in Washington a young American, who had been obliged to leave West Point because of a slight defect in his lungs. He was poor. He had few friends, and an education, which fortunately had included the practice of good manners. It happened that he was invited out to dinner; and he was seated some distance from the Spanish Ambassador,—who had the place of honor; for the etiquette of the table is very rigid,—but within reach of his eye. Just as the salad was served the hostess grew suddenly pale, for she had observed on the leaf of lettuce carried to this young man a yellow caterpillar. Would he notice it? Would he spoil the appetite of the other guests by calling attention to it, or by crushing it? The Ambassador had seen the creature, too, and he kept his eye on the young man, asking himself the same questions.

The awful moment came: the young man’s plate of salad was before him; the hostess tried to appear unconcerned, but her face flushed. Our young man lifted the leaf, caught sight of the caterpillar, paused half a second, and then heroically swallowed lettuce, caterpillar and all! The hostess felt as if he had saved her life.

After dinner, the Ambassador asked to be introduced to him. A week later he was sent to Cuba as English secretary to a high official there. The climate has suited him; his health is restored; and he has begun a career under the most favorable auspices.

You know the story of Sir Walter Raleigh and the cloak. Sir Walter was poor, young, and without favor at court. One day Queen Elizabeth hesitated to step on a muddy place in the road; off came Sir Walter’s new cloak,—his best and only one,—all satin and velvet and gold lace. Down it went as a carpet for the Queen’s feet, and his fortune was made.

But neither our West-Pointer nor Sir Walter would have made his fortune by his good manners if he had not disciplined himself to be thoughtful and alert.

On the other hand, many a man has lost much by inattention to the little rules of society. One of the best young men I ever knew failed to get certain letters of introduction, which would have helped him materially, because he would wear a tall hat and a sack coat, or a low hat and a frock coat. Society exacts, however, that a man shall do neither of these things. Remember that I do not praise the social code that exacts so much attention to trifles,—I only say that it exists.

Prosper Mérimée lost his influence at the court of Napoleon the Third by a little inattention to the etiquette which exacts in all civilized countries that a napkin shall not be hung from a man’s neck, but shall be laid on his knee. Mérimée, who was a charming writer, very high in favor with the Empress Eugenie, was invited to luncheon in her particular circle one day. He was much flattered, but he hung his napkin from the top button of his coat; the Empress imitated his example, for she was very polite, but she never asked him to court again. It is the way of the social world—one must follow the rules or step out.

If a man chooses to carry his knife to his mouth instead of merely using it as an implement for cutting, he is at perfect liberty to do so. He may not succeed in chopping the upper part of his head off, but he will succeed in cutting himself off from the “Dress Circle of Society,” as Emerson phrases it. Apart from the first consideration that should govern our manners,—which is, that Our Lord Jesus Christ means that, in loving our neighbors as ourselves, we should show them respect and regard,—you must remember that politeness is power, and that for the ambitious man there is no surer road to the highest places in this land, and in all others, than through good manners. You may gain the place you aim for, but, believe me, you will keep it with torture and difficulty if you begin now by despising and disregarding the little rules that have by universal consent come to govern the conduct of life. One independent young person may thrust his knife into his mouth with a large section of pie on it, if he likes: you can put anything into a barn that it will hold, if the door be wide enough. They tell me that in Austria some of the highest people eat their sauerkraut with the points of their knives. But we do not do it here, and we must be governed by the rules of our own society. Some of you who always want to know the reason for rules, may ask why are we permitted to eat cheese with our knives after dinner. I can only answer that I do not know and I do not care. The subject is not important enough for discussion. Good society all over the English-speaking world permits the use of the knife only in eating cheese. Some people prefer to take it with their fingers, like olives, asparagus, artichokes, and undressed lettuce. So generally is this small rule observed, that a very important discovery was made not very long ago through a knowledge of it. An adventurer claiming to be a French duke was introduced to an American family. He was well received, until one day he tried to spear an olive with his knife. As this is not a habit of good society, he was quietly dropped—very fortunately for the family, as he was discovered to be a forger and ex-convict.

You may ask, Why are olives, lettuce, and asparagus often eaten with the fingers? I can only answer, that it is a custom of civilized society. You may ask me again, Why must we break our bread instead of cutting it? And why must we take a fork to eat pie, when we are permitted to eat asparagus and lettuce with our fingers? I say again that I do not know: all that I know is, that these social rules are fixed, and that it is better to obey than to lose time in asking why.

But if you should happen to be of a doubting turn of mind, accept an invitation to dinner from some person for whose social standing you have much respect, and then if your hostess in the kindness of her heart serves pie, take half of it in your right hand, close your eyes, bite a crescent of it in your best manner, and observe the effect on the other guests. You may be quite certain that if you desire not to be invited again to that house you will have your wish. Society in this country is becoming more and more civilized and exacting every year; and you will simply put a mark of inferiority on yourself in its eyes if you disregard rules which are trifles in themselves, but very important in their effect.