Nothing astonishes an American. That which makes his conversation immensely piquant is the calm, natural tone in which he comes out with statements that fairly take your breath away.
My impresario had just engaged me for a lecture season in the States and Canada.
"I shall have two Europeans on my list for next year," he said, "Mr Charles Dickens and yourself. I wanted two others, but they were not to be had."
"That is not very flattering," said I; "but who are the two Europeans you cannot get?"
"Mr. Gladstone and Lord Randolph Churchill," replied he quite calmly.
Then, suppressing the words "Mr." and "Lord," according to the habit of his countrymen, he added with a sigh:
"Yes, Gladstone would have made a lump, and Churchill would have been an elegant success."
CHAPTER XXXVI.
Railways.—Vestibule Trains.—Hotels on Wheels.—Windows and Ventilators, and their Uses.—Pitiless Firemen.—Conductors and their Functions.—A Traveller's Perplexity.—Rudeness of Railway Servants.—The Actress and the Conductor.—An Inquisitive Traveller.—A Negro in a Flourishing Way.—Commerce on board the Cars.—"Apples, Oranges, Bananas!"—The Negro Compartment.—Change of Toilette.—"Mind your own business."