If any of my readers should feel inclined to think my review of British school-boys somewhat critical, let them take it for granted that when I was a boy I was everything that was good.
Now, gentle American Critic, whose magnanimity is proverbial, before thou abusest this little book, reflect how thou wouldst feel if thy Editor were to bid thee write thy criticism in French.
Max O'Rell.
Contents.
| PAGE | |
| [Preface,] | |
| Introduction, | |
| I am Born. — I am Deeply in Love. — I wish to be an Artist, but my Father uses strong Argument against it. — I produce a dramatic Chef-d'œuvre. — Parisian Managers fail to appreciate it. — I put on a beautiful Uniform. — The Consequence of it. — Two Episodes of the Franco-Prussian War. — The Commune explained by a Communist. — A "glorious" Career cut short. — I take a Resolution and a Ticket for London, | [1] |
| II. EXTRACTS FROM THE DIARY OF A FRENCHMAN IN SEARCH OF A SOCIAL POSITION IN ENGLAND. | |
| Arrival at Charing Cross. — I have Nothing to declare to the Exciseman but Low Spirits. — Difficulty in finding a comfortable Residence. — Board and Lodging. — A House with Creepers. — Things look Bad. — Things look Worse. — Things look cheerful, | [15] |
| III. | |
| I make the acquaintance of Public School Boys. — "When I was a little Boy." — An Awful Moment. — A Simple Theory. — I score a Success, | [34] |
| IV. | |
| ThegenusBoy. — The only one I object to. — What Boys work for, | [38] |
| V. | |
| Schoolboys I have met. — Promising Britons. — Sly Boots. — Too Good for this World. — "No, thanks, we makes it." — French Dictionaries. — A Naughty Boy. — Mothers' Pets. — Dirty, but Beautiful. — John Bully. — High Collars and Brains. — Dictation and its Trials. — Not to be taken in. — Unlucky Boys. — The Use of Two Ears. — A Boy with One Idea. — Master Whirligig. — The Influence of Athletics. — A Good Situation. — A Shrewd Boy of Business. — Master Algernon Cadwaladr Smyth and other Typical Schoolboys, | [40] |
| VI. | |
| French as she is Traduced. — More Grumblings. — "La Critique" is not the Critic's Wife. — Bossuet's Prose, and how it reads in English. — Nothing improves by Translation except a Bishop. — A Few French "Howlers." — Valuable Hints on translating Unseen Passages, | [72] |
| VII. | |
| English Boys on French Etymologies. — Why "Silence" is the only French Noun ending in "ence" that is of the Masculine Gender. — A Valuable Service rendered by the Author to his Land of Adoption. — Learned Etymologies. — Return to old Philological Methods. — Remarkable Questions. — Written and Oral Examinations. — A Kind Examiner. — How long would it take the Moon to Fall to the Earth? — How many Yards of Cloth it takes to cover an Ass, | [80] |
| VIII. | |
| English Boys on French Composition. — "Go ahead" is not in French "Allez une Tête." — How Boys set about French Composition. — A Written Proof of their Guilt. — How Large Advertisements can help them. — A Stumbling-Block cleared away, | [90] |
| IX. | |
| Suggestions and Hints for the Class Room. — Boys on History and Geography. — "Maxims" and "Wise Thoughts." — Advice to those about to Teach. — "Sir," and not "Mossoo." — "Frauleins" and "Mademoiselles." — Check your Love for Boys. — No Credit. — We are all liable to make Mistakes. — I get an insight into "Stocks," | [95] |
| X. | |
| English Boys' Patriotism put to a Severe Test. — Their Opinion of French Victories. — King Louis VI. of France and the English Soldier at the Battle of Brenneville. — An English Boy on French Wrestling. — Young Tory Democrats. — "Imperium et Libertas." — A Patriotic Answer. — Duck and Drake, | [110] |
| XI. | |
| Cricket. — I have an Unsuccessful Try at it. — Boys' Opinion of my Athletic Qualities. — French and English Athletes. — Feats of Skill and StrengthversusFeats of Endurance and Brute Force. — A Case of Eviction by Force of Arms, | [116] |
| XII. | |
| Old Pupils. — Acquaintances renewed. — Lively Recollections revived. — It is easier to Teach French than to Learn it. — A Testimonial refused to a French Master. — "How de do?" — "That's What-d'ye-call-him, the French Master," | [121] |
| XIII. | |
| Debating Societies. — A Discussion on the Pernicious Use of Tobacco. — School Magazines in France and England. — A Business-like Little Briton. — An Important Resolution passed unanimously. — I perform an Englishman's Duty, | [125] |
| XIV. | |
| Home, sweet Home! — Boys' Opinion of the Seaside. — French and English Beaches. — Who is he at Home? What was his Grandfather? — Remarks on Swaggering. — "I thought he was a Gentleman," | [128] |
| XV. | |
| He can not speak French, but he can read it, you know. — He has a try at it in Paris. — Nasal Sounds and accented Syllables. — How I reduced English Words to single Syllables, and was successful in the Object I had in View. — A Remark on the Connection of Words, | [133] |
| XVI. | |
| Public School Scholarships and Exhibitions. — Grateful Parents. — Inquiring Mothers. — A Dear Little Candidate. — Ladies' Testimonials. — A Science Master well recommended, | [138] |
| XVII. | |
| The Origin of Anglomania and Anglophobia in England. — A Typical Frenchman. — Too much of an Englishman. — A remarkable French Master. — John Bull made to go to Church by a Frenchman. — A Noble and Thankless Career. — A Place of Learning. — Mons. and Esquire. — All Ladies and Gentlemen. — One Exception. — Wonderful Addresses, | [148] |
| XVIII. | |
| The Way to Learn Modern Languages, | [158] |
| XIX. | |
| English and French Schoolboys. — Their Characteristics. — The Qualities of the English Schoolboy. — What is required of a Master to Win, | [165] |
| Appendix, | [169] |