May I be allowed here to say freely what I think?
Well, dear Madam, I think that, if the human race, including Mr. Bull your husband, felt for you half the admiration which your charms and virtues inspire in me, you would be justly proclaimed the goddess of conjugal felicity.
Now you ought to give me a smile for that, I think.
Open this little volume fearlessly, dear Madam, and if you should light upon any mention—I will not say of your faults, for most certainly you have none—but of some few little oddities perhaps, do not be offended; but remember that our real friends are those who tell us the truth—en ami, of course—but still who do tell it us.
CONTENTS.
| PAGE | |
| To Mrs. John Bull | [iii] |
| Hors d’œuvre | [ix] |
| I. | |
| Flirtation — Sweethearting — Love in the Open Air — Oùil y a de la gêne il n’y a pas de plaisir | [1] |
| II. | |
| Declarations of Love — Kisses — Disobliging Britons | [8] |
| III. | |
| Love in Marriage — Mrs. John Bull’s Bedroom — Asyou make your Bed, so you must lie on it — YoungPeople, English and French — How it may sometimesbe an economy to take your Wife with youwhen you travel on the Continent | [12] |
| IV. | |
| The Marriage Ceremony in England — Civil Marriages — Elopements — Marriagein Scotland — Show yourCredentials — One word more about the dot | [22] |
| V. | |
| After the Ball — My Wife makes me a little Confidence(from the Diary of a Frenchman married to anEnglishwoman) | [30] |
| VI. | |
| The Beauty of English Women — Their Dress — TheirHair — Advice to French Ladies — Hyde Park — Interiorof English Theatres — O Routine! such isthy Handiwork! | [37] |
| VII. | |
| The Word and the Thing — Little Essay on the EnglishLanguage — There is nothing like a good Telescopeif you want to see well — Master Dubius — PuritanParlance — Salvation Fair — May Meetings andSpring Cleanings — Are you Pooty Well? — A SuitableMenu | [46] |
| VIII. | |
| The Boas of the Aristocracy — The Prettiest Women inLondon — Shop Girls — Barmaids — Actresses andSupernumeraries — Miss Mary Anderson | [58] |
| IX. | |
| The Demi-monde — Sly Dogs — The DisreputableWorld — The Society for the Protection ofWomen — Humble Apologies for Grave Mistakes | [66] |
| X. | |
| Reflections of an Innocent upon Women in generaland Englishwomen in particular — Epistle to JohnBull — Women’s Rights — A Stormy Meeting — Viragosand other British Guys of the Sisterhoodof St. Catharine | [72] |
| XI. | |
| Women at Home — Daughters, Wives, Widows, andMothers — Comparisons — The Hospitality of Mrs.John Bull — Provincial Life | [83] |
| XII. | |
| Mrs. John Bull at Home on the .... R.S.V.P. — AnIntelligent Landlord — Meaning of the word“Concert” — The Conversazione — The RoyalAcademy | [100] |
| XIII. | |
| Ladies of the Royal Family — Mrs. Christian — Minnieand Alec — The noble Lord the Poet-Laureate — Wantedan English Academy | [110] |
| XIV. | |
| The Governess and other Servants of Mrs. John Bull’sHousehold — Lady-Helps — English and FrenchServants — Burglar Chase: the Policeman is successfulfor once | [120] |
| XV. | |
| In the Smoking Room (Causerie) | [136] |
| XVI. | |
| The Brune and the Blonde — Madame la Comtessed’A. and Lady B. chat a little about their husbands,discuss their respective merits, and indulge inseveral little confidences | [146] |
| XVII. | |
| The Teetotal Mania — Second Epistle to John Bull — Thedarling Sin of Mrs. John Bull according toa Venerable Archdeacon and a few CharitableLadies — A free-born Briton, member of theYellow Ribbon Army | [164] |
| XVIII. | |
| New Salvation Agencies — Priestess Rubbers — Asinusasinam fricat | [176] |
| XIX. | |
| The Vicar’s Wife (Fragments) | |
| I. | [180] |
| II. | [187] |
| III. | [200] |
| XX. | |
| Apotheosis of the Daughters of John Bull | [209] |
| XXI. | |
| John Bull and His Island (Postscript) | [228] |
| Appendix | [234] |
HORS D’ŒUVRE.
In proposing the toast to the ladies at a City dinner, one evening, Lord Derby expressed himself in these terms:—