Feliciana coloured deeply.
“For my part, I cannot but express myself sensible to the existence of such a sentiment, and can only say, that from a self-same affection, I am capable of appreciating and responding to yours. But, senora, there are but few instances of real happiness under the sun. The beautiful sky that frequently enlivens our spirit, and cheers us up for a moment, is, alas! but too frequently, suddenly darkened and obscured by the dark clouds that bring tempests in their course. The innocent and snowy lily that gladdens our sight to-day, decays and falls away to-morrow. The days and years on which we may have been counting, during a long life-time, for the realization of a few moments of joy, may arrive at last, loaded with bitterness. The thoughts and sentiments which oft gladden us in our waking dreams, wean us away for a time from care, and foster in us the hope of undecaying felicity, then pass like the flashes of the lightning away, to leave only gloom and desolation behind.
“For my own part senora, I have long sacrificed myself to one object. I have long banished away Emmanuel Appadocca, from Emmanuel Appadocca: it boots not to tell the reason why. The world to me, it is true, is the world; the stars, the stars; but the halo that once surrounded them is gone—the feeling with which I may have regarded them is gone from them, and has centred itself in the now single end of my existence. For a long time mental anguish and I have been companions, and from its constant proximity it has chased away the softer feelings, whose aspect is too cheerful to bear the approaching shadow of that demon. My heart is wasted and its tenderness gone; gratitude for you, senora, is all that I dare encourage in my bosom. Let me exhort you, for your own sake, to forget the unfortunate man whom accident and distress brought into your presence. Forget him, and by doing so, avoid much suffering on your part, and, at the same time, confer much happiness on him. For if at the hour when this existence of mine will be about to terminate, there should linger in my fading memory some object that I could not look upon with cold indifference; if when the breath of life shall be on the point of passing I should not be able to shut my eyes and say, ‘mankind, you have among you nothing that is dear to me,’ the pains of succumbing nature would be tenfold heavier than they might.”
In speaking thus, Appadocca had unwittingly to himself risen from his seat, and approached Feliciana, who, deeply affected, hanged down her.
Warming more than usual, Appadocca caught her hand as he spoke.
“To throw away a thought on a person of this temper, Feliciana,” he proceeded, “I need not tell you, is doing an injustice to yourself, but fear not that I am insensible to your kindness. I feel it as much as I am now permitted to feel such things, and may destiny,” continued he, with more warmth, “be ever propitious to you;” so saying, he abruptly let fall her hand, and walked towards the door.
“Stay,” cried Feliciana, as she rose to keep him back: but Appadocca rushed out of the room.
The young lady resumed her seat; her high temper had now yielded to a more tender feeling: one that buoys not up, nor supports so much, for there is a spirit of pride in high wrought vexation, that imparts strength to the other faculties and to the body. Like the last convulsion of the dying madman, it derives from its very extremity and excess, uncontrollable strength; but when that is broken—when it is softened down by tenderness or pity, the mind which was but now strong under a fierce influence is left weak, impressible, and like the vision of a man rising from a swoon, when that influence is removed. Thus the feelings of Feliciana instead now of following the course of her stronger and more predominant powers, yielded entirely to the softer endowments of her nature, and her affection vented itself in a more seductive, more natural, more overcoming way. She no longer endeavoured to disguise to herself the extent to which her affection had already gone. She perceived at once that the sorrow which the involuntary revelations of Appadocca had cost her, had a different source from that which she would fain have believed at first; and that her apparently chivalrous denunciation of his course of life, and her resolution to follow him, and like a good angel, to stay his piratical hand, did not spring from a mere instinct of abstract right and wrong, but rose from a more interesting and personal feeling.