"Yes. If you can see it—"
"Of course I see it. I can see everything now. All that war-romancing. I see how awful it was. When I think how we went out and got thrills. Fancy getting thrills out of this horror."
"Oh well—I think you earned your thrill."
"You can't earn anything in this war. At least I can't. It's paying, paying all the time. And I've got more things than John to pay for. There was little Effie."
"Effie?"
"Gibson's wife. I didn't want to hurt her…. Billy, are you sure it makes no difference? What I did."
"I've told you it doesn't…. You mustn't go on thinking about it."
"No. But I can't get over his betraying me. You see, that's the worst thing he did to me. The other things—well, he was mad with fright, and he was afraid of me, because I knew. I can't think why he did this."
"Same reason. You knew. He was degraded by your knowing, so you had to be degraded. At least I suppose that's how it was."
She shook her head. He was darker to her than ever and she was no nearer to her peace. She knew everything and she understood nothing. And that was worse than not knowing.