This mornin' the intervue come out in the Buster, and the hull corpse of noosgathururs of the other papers is detaled in divishuns to wach all the semerneries in the hope of interviewin' the gost of James G. Blame, and the demmercrazey is wilder with inthusiasm than they was after Fouracres got drownded in wiskey out in Oio.
CHAPTER X.
HE REPORTS A XERDENT WOT HAPPENED TO J. GOULD AND SETS ALL
NEW YORK WILD.—XCITE-MENT IN WALL STREET.—JIMMY NERVOUS.—
YOU CAN TELL THEM BY THE COMPANY THEY KEEPS.
I never could see y peepel with good cents don't xercise a little jugement wen they name their baby's, so as fellus like me, wot is a young aspyrant for jurnerlistic ornhers, wouldn't git mixed up on 'em.
Now the citie edittur told me if I ever hurd of any dog fites, or axydents, to report 'em, cos it'd keep me in practise. So this mornin, bout 3 o'clock, we was woke up by a orfull loud poundin on the front dore. Pa thot it was burglers, jest as if they'd nock at the dore if they wanted to cum in and steel. So ma had to go to the winder, and she found out it was Mrs. Gould, that's my chum, Jimmie's mother. She was cryin orful, and wanted ma to come over to her house, cos Jimmy had got the nitemare from etin too much minsepie, and fell outer bed, and she was frade he'd brok his kneck, cos he hadn't spok a wurd sinse. I seen I had a chanse to distinguish myself, so I put on my cloes and run down to the offis. Oll the editturs and reporthers had gone to bed, cos the paper was jest goin to press, so I told the foreman all bout the axerdent wot happinned to J. Gould. He got orful xcited, and sed I orter be promoted, cos it was a splendid item, and we'd be the only paper wot would hav it, and then he got the paper reddy for 50,000 extra coppies.
Wen I went down town after brake-fast I never seed such xcitement; hundreds of peeple was at every street corner reedin' the Buster and discussin' probubillytees of a panic. The noose-boys was coinin' money sellin' our paper, singin' out “All 'bout the axerdent,” and showin' the peeple the Busters hedlines, wot red: “Terribel Calamyty! J. Gould, the Ralerode King, Falls Outer Bed and Sustains Fatul Injuries.”
The managers of the other noosepapers was orful mad, and maid all the citie reporters hand in their resignashuns, cos they wasn't smart enuf to each the item.
Down in Wall strete there was a reglar pannick. The Beers was jest as happy as they culd be, and most all of 'em maid there fortunes before dinner, cos all the stock went down like led. Jest wen a lot of the bulls was goin' to bust up and pay ther creditturs 5 cents on the dollar, who should walk inter the Xchange but J. Gould himself. You never seen such a surprised crowd enyw'ere; they all thot it was his gost till he 'xplayned that it warn't him wot fell outer bed a tail He sed he know'd he was purty late gettin' down town, but they must 'xcuse him, cos he was kep up purty late, calkin' up a cask of “Western Union Water” wot sprung a leek.
The 'xcitement's beginnin' to ware off now, but you bet the Buster's got a big lot of free advertising and Mr. Giliey warn't a bit mad, wen I 'xplained how it all happened, cos the Wall strete beers is goin' to s'port him for Guv'ner, cos the Buster's made 'em all wrich.