Mr. Diry:
You will notis by the above address, that you and me are away from home to-nite, and I spose you orter have sum xplenashun of our doins. Well, wen I got down to the offis this mornin, Mr. Gilley told me to go rite home and put on my Sunday cloes, and be reddy to start for Troy on the leven clock trane, cos we was goin to opin up the campane there, and he wanted me to carry his sachell, wot had a demmy-John in. Wen I got back, Gilley was orful busy with a old pall-bearer of the Demmercratick corpse, from Shodack, fixin the rate per caperta wot was to be bid for votes.
Wen we got to the depot, Vanderbuilt had had one of his spells, and had been sendin the publick to Haydies, so he wuldn't let the trane wate ten minnits for a guvmentel candy date. Mr. Gilley was in an orful way bout gettin left, cos he had to be at Troy to-nite, and there warnt no other trane wot would get us there, so he pade a feerful big pile of munney for a speshell. President Arthur, and a lot of other Republercan dudes was goin to start for Bufflo on a fishin xcurshun at 1 o'clock, so our train got under way rite off, and every other trane on the rode was sidetracked to let us get past.
There was a norful crowd at every sta-shun, wot had cum from miles round, to see us distingushed cityzens. We stopped at Yungkurs to water. The town has got a orful apropriate name, judgin by the way the mothers brot ther yung curs for us to kiss. I dont care nothin for baby's enyway, but I had to submit to a lot of slobberin for the sake of inflooensin votes, for my Candydate. At Fishkill we stopped for refreshments, and was waited on by a brass band and the Mayor and more baby's. Mr. Gilley spoke a few wurds and thanked the crowd for their curtesies, and named a few babies. Jest as we was steemin outer the depot, he dropt his red bandanner handkerchef; you'd dide to see them yung gals tumbel over each other and scrambel for it. Before they got it, it was tore all up, in little bits, and most every gal wot got a peece, unbuttoned there jerseys, and stowed it way in there bussums. Fishkill, like Yungcurs, has got a purty good name, cos it emits a perfume, very surgestive of cleenin fish, wot was fresh wen Preserdent Buckannon was inaugerated.
Mr. Gilley was feelin orful proud of his recepshuns, all long the line, & it warnt till we got to Albany that he found out that the peepel took him for Preserdent Arthur. Then he got orful indignant, & made the air of the cur smell like condensed sulfur gas, the way he swared. He sez his xperience of unkindnesses has been purty big in his lifetime, but that the peepel of New York State shuld take him for his Axerdensy was the gol durndest unkindest cut of all, and he'd be struck by litenin, with a asse's jaw, if he didn't make the furst barber he seen shave them leg-a-mutton sidebords clene off, cos they was bringin his bald hed inter disgrace. Wen we got to Troy we was met by the Centril Committee, and druv round to all the salloons, so as we'd see all the sites, & set em up for the crowd. I heer the band pleyin “See the conqrin hearo comes.” I guess the populace is waitin for me, so I'll have to stop ritin now.
CHAPTER XIV.
IMMENSE NTHUSIASM.—SUM POINTERS ON THE TARIFF.—THE OHIO
BABY'S.——POOR LITTLE CAST OFF.—THE FALLEN GRATE.
My bussum swells to-nite with pride cos we've tuk the town by storm. If peepel warnt all Demmycrats before, they is now, cos our speechyfyin has struck in purty deep. The meetin was a grand suckcess fizzically, morally, numerrically, and, I guess, votingly.
From the furst, we pollytishuns was received with a perfect ovashun. Chair after chair rended the air, and the seen was only comparable to the nitely concerts of the tommas cats and there parrymores on the back fences of 42d street.