The Rerpublerkan candy date wot's got licked has gone and got orful mad at the Methydist Conference and swares, by golly, he'll never donate a nuther oyster to a church supper, and his remains 'll be smolderin down b'low 'fore them ungrateful hyppercrites 'll hold a nuther mute soshell in his house. His wife says she's goin ter sue them for the bord bill of them hoary hedded old delergates, wots been palmed off on her for the last fifteen years. She sez she alwuz expected sumthin 'd happen, cos when the young mens christshun associashun convention cum off, they sent all the yung and good lookin deler-gates over to Widder Masher's, cross the street, and didn't giv her eny bodie but a lot of old men, wot was just walkin round to save funeral xpenses.
The members of the Society of Henpecked husbands is looking like theyd been drawd thru a not hole, cos there wives hav ben wearin the pants again, and given them a taste of dissyplin for votin for a man wot has as outspoken anty wimmins rites vues as Mr. Gilley.
I peeped in the windys of sevral banks on my way home, and most all of the clurks has a scart and hunted look in there eyes, but I guess there safe, cos the one who knoes, don't kno quite as much as they think he does.
The Germans is jubilyant, cos they all helped to rebuke a insult I guess they wuldn't feel so orful proud of theirselves if they'd hurd John Kelley and Mr. Gilley talkin bout 'em, jest fore eleckshun, wen they was considered doutful, and Mr. Gilley sed ——— the Duch.
Pollytishuns is purty persnickerty, eny-way. I bleive wen I get ter be a big man I'll start out as a misshunary and devote my 'nurgies to savin the souls of pollytickel office-seekers and candydates; taint no use tryin to save there bodies, cos the devil's got a lien on them alreddy.
CHAPTER XXIV.
HIS HOLY DAY.—PERSONATIN A DUDE MAKES HIM LOSE HIS TRUST IN
GALS.—MARIA GIVES HIM CLENE AWAY.—TERRERBEL REVENGE.—
HE PROMISES FORGIVENESS ON CERTAIN CONDISHUNS.
I've lost all conferdense in gals and human nature, lost it all at one fell swoop. Yesterday I'd ben willin to bet a 20-cent seegar that my gal, Maria, would 'er lep cross one of the flews of Haydies for me. But I was deseeved; yes, Mr. Diry, I was wonderfully and terribly deseeved in her.
As I told you last nite, me and Jimmy got a holy day to-day and $10 to spend on havin a good time. So this mornin we drest up in our Sunday-skule cloes, and went down town to the property shop, and each bort ourselves a false mustash and canes. Then we went up to the barber shop and had our hare banged. Wen we was thru you wuldnt ben abel to tell us from full bludded Englush swells. We was just too too, walkin up and down Uniyun Square, puffin at our 10-centers, like we owned all New York and half of Brooklyn. You bet we maid sum mashes on the wimmin. Bout one clock we sta-shuned ourselves where we'd meet our gals as they went to skule. Jimmie's gal, Josie, and my Maria run together. Purty soon they cum long together, laffin and torkin. Then me and Jimmy braced ourselves up, and as they went by we winked. Josie she winked back, but Maria she sed orful sweet, “How de do?” so we followed em up. Purty soon Maria slowed up & sed its a nice day. I told her it was, then I sez if she wuldnt like to take a walk. She sed “she was greed if Josie'd go long, cos if they went walkin they'd have to play hookey, and one darsent do it without the other.”