“Yes, sar; I'se skribed for the Christshun Advercate for 'bout six yares, and I've payed it up in advanse for most a yare to cum.”
“Bobby, my boy,” sed the cort to his rite hand man, “go order the cook, to kill the fatted ram, and prepare a bang up lay out, cos this here cullurd brother is a man, molded after my own hart. Shake, my man,” sed he, shovin his rite boney hand to the cullured feller's, “and after we've feested, and viserted my privat opra house, and taken in the new skellyton bailey at-trackshuns, I'll driv yer thru my subteranean domminyuns, fore you tak the xpress for Skie stashun, and you bet you'll say this here devil aint as bad as he's painted, cos he knoes how to onher a distingushed guest.”
Then the seen vanished from my vishun, and I woke up, hollerin with a pane in my programme, and ma had ter get me a dose of brandie and ginger, outer the flask, wot pa carries, when he goes a fishin.
CHAPTER XXVIII.
AT THE STOCK EXCHANGE.—THE ENGAGEMENT.—FIRE IN THE
SHECARGO UNIYUN DEPOT.—A OFFER FROM JAY GOULD.
This mornin noose was sorter dull, so the city edittur sent me down to the Stock Exchange for to write up the anticks of the Bulls and Bares. Wen I got down there I guess the annymiles hadn't got round, but there keepers was purty numerous, and made a good deel more noise than they would theirselves. I was showd up to the visters gallary, so as I culd get a good vue of the fite wot was goin on tween the grangers and coalers. The way they do there fitin puts me in mind of wen we use-ter go to skule, cos they chew up a lot of paper, and make spit balls outer it, and then paste each other on the eyes with them. Jay Gould is the name of a littel bit of a feller, he aint much in size, but he's hale columby wen it comes rite down to spit ball fites, cos he pasted old Russel Sage and Vandybilt outer ther boots, hittin fare in the eyes every time.
Wen they was gettin purty well tired out, a lot of fellers wot was “hit,” cum out, and the other formed rings round them and sung a song wot sounded like it was maid up of five 8s and three 1/4 s. I shuld think theyd be ashamed of theirselves, grate big men, spendin there time playin a game wot Boys, as big as me, wuldn't do for a nickel. I seen they was disgracin us, New Yorkers, so I thot it was time to put a stop to it, and bring em down to bisness, so I sung out orful loud:
“Gintelmin: Thurs a big fire in the Uniyun Depot in Sheecargo.” Then they all looked up to see who was talkin, and reckernized me, as connected with the Buster. You'd dide, to see em flyin round; the fellers wot do the bullin was purty neer crazey, coverin up there stocks, with margin's. Stocks come flyin down, like litenin, and the barish porshun of the compenney, was makin a immense pile of munney. The country lams wot the Bulls and bares had been fleecin, so as there wives, & gals culd have wool enuf, to stuff the footstools with, wot they was makin for Chrissmas boxes, hurd wot I sed, and tumbeled to it, and sold all the Western trunk stocks. I didn't say nothing till I seen thay'd got a good deal onter the bulls, then I sung out agen, “Gentelmen, The big fire wot, I sed, was in the Uniyun Depot, at Sheecargo, is still burnin fiercely, in the heeter, wots lokated in the seller.”
I didn't wate to say good by, cos the fire-like gleem wot gleemed at me from bout a hundred pares of eyes, boded no good for the Busters devil.