"'Haud yere tongue, Saunders—ye're a fule. Gang till your room and cogitate, for preach you must and shall, this very day, and be d—d till ye. The dominie's gane mad a'thegither, I declare.'
"I took my excellent patron's advice, and although unco blate at first, I gained courage as I warmed with my subject, so that by the time I cam till the blessing, I was myself again; and having thus got over my mortification, I never afterwards sae far forgot myself as I had done that blessed morning."
But the humour of the following extract, which explains itself, surpasses either of the former in my estimation:—
"Next morning was the annual examination of my school, at which three ministers, one of them the celebrated Dr Soorock, were to be present, and the same passed over creditably to myself and scholars; and the doctor was very kind and condescending to the whole of us. He was the means of my being invited this day to dinner by Mr Bland. After the examination, we had walked a mile into the country together, enjoying the delight of the schoolboys, who had gotten a half holiday on the occasion, and were now rampaging about, like young colts broke loose, some jumping, some playing at football, others at shinty, while several were fishing in the burn, that twinkled past as clear as crystal; and we were returning home to the manse, when Earl M——'s equipage appeared, coming along the small bridge that crossed a bend of the stream beyond the village. Presently it was hid by the trees round the manse, and then glanced on this side of them, until the houses again concealed it. In another moment it rattled sharply round the corner, when the old earl desired his postilions to walk their horses until he met us. The moment Doctor Soorock saw the carriage go slow, he accelerated his motion, and stepped out and away before Mr Bland and Mr Clour, salaaming with his hat in one hand, and his gold-headed cane in the other, in rather too abject a style, in my estimation, for one who had a kirk already. His lordship was still at pistol-shot distance, and the doctor was striding on, uncovered, with his eyes riveted on the carriage, when his foot caught on the projecting steps of the schoolhouse door, and away he went, his stick flying through the window, smashing the glass down in a tinkling shower—his hat into the neighbouring pigsty, and his wig into the burn that ran by the road-side.
"'Run, boys, run,' said I, as I helped him up,—'run and catch the doctor's wig,' as it floated away down the stream, like a hedgehog covered with meal.
"'Geordie,' cried one little fellow, 'hook the wig with your fly, man—hook the wig with your fly.'
"'Allan is fishing with bait, his hooks are bigger,' quoth Geordie.
"'Fling, Allan, man, fling—one gude cast, and you have it.'
"They both missed, and the wig continued floating down until it swam amongst a flock of village ducks, who instantly squattered away from it, as if it had been an otter.
"'Cast a stane intil't, or it will soom to Berwick before nicht,' said wee Tam.