Again, it was impossible to talk to Mrs. Booth, even for five minutes, without finding how true and sincere she was. To please no one would she keep back the truth, or appear different from her real self.
‘I believe,’ she writes, when quite a young woman, ’honesty to be the best policy, and I shall act upon it. Let me have truth, if it shakes the foundation of the earth.’
She was sincere and faithful in every part of her nature: faithful with her own soul and in dealing with the souls of others. Great or small, rich or poor, she made no difference, and never held back from reproving sin when it was needful.
‘I see more than ever,’ she said, ’the need of making righteous people true in their inward parts. Let us be more thorough than ever with souls under conviction. Let us not be afraid to wound too deeply. Thousands of professors have never been truly convinced of sin, much less truly converted. Sin to them is being found out!’
Though all through her life our Army Mother hungered and thirsted to know God better, and to serve Him more perfectly, yet it was not till some time after her marriage that she received the blessing of a clean heart.
Of the struggle and conflict which she went through, before the blessing of Holiness became hers, she shall tell you in her own words:–
’I had been earnestly seeking all the week to know Jesus as an all-sufficient Saviour dwelling in my heart, and thus cleansing it every moment of all sin; but on Thursday and Friday I laid aside almost everything else, and spent the chief part of the day in reading and prayer, and trying to believe for it. On Thursday afternoon at tea-time I was well-nigh discouraged, and felt my old visitant, irritability, and the Devil told me I should never get it, and so I might as well give it up at once. However, I know him of old as a liar and the father of lies, and pressed on, cast down, yet not destroyed.
’On Friday morning God gave me two precious passages. First, “Come unto Me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Oh, how sweet it sounded to my poor, weary, sin-stricken soul! I almost dared to believe that He did give me rest from inbred sin–the rest of perfect Holiness. But I staggered at the promise through unbelief, and therefore failed to enter in. The second passage consisted of those thrice-blessed words, “Of Him are ye in Christ Jesus, who is made unto us wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption.” But again unbelief hindered me, although I felt as if getting gradually nearer.
’I struggled through the day until a little after six in the evening, when William joined me in prayer. We had a blessed season. While he was saying, “Lord, we open our hearts to receive Thee,” that word was spoken to my soul, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear My voice, and open unto Me, I will come in, and sup with him.” I felt sure He had long been knocking, and Oh, how I yearned to receive Him as a perfect Saviour! But Oh, the inveterate habit of unbelief! How wonderful that God should have borne so long with me! When we got up from our knees, I lay on the sofa, exhausted with the excitement and effort of the day. William said, “Don’t you lay all on the altar?” I replied, “I am sure I do!” Then he said, “And isn’t the altar holy?” I replied in the language of the Holy Ghost, “The altar is most holy, and whatsoever toucheth it is holy.” Then, said he, “Are you not holy?” I replied with my heart full of emotion and with some faith, “Oh, I think I am!” Immediately the word was given me to confirm my faith. “Now are ye clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.” And I took hold–true, with a trembling hand, and not unmolested by the tempter, but I held fast the beginning of my confidence, and it grew stronger, and from that moment I have dared to reckon myself dead indeed unto sin, and alive unto God through Jesus Christ my Lord.
’I did not feel much rapturous joy, but perfect peace, the sweet rest which Jesus promised to the heavy laden. I have understood the Apostle’s meaning when he says, “We who believe do enter into rest.” This is just descriptive of my state at present. Not that I am not tempted, but I am allowed to know the Devil when he approaches me, and I look to my Deliverer Jesus, and He still gives me rest. Two or three very trying things occurred on Saturday, which at another time would have excited impatience, but I was kept by the power of God through faith unto full Salvation.