"That means," answered the prophet, "that you once knew a girl whose name began with 'M.' Probably her name was Mary."
A young woman said: "I dreamed I was an old maid and yet I was going to hell."
"That means," said the prophet, "that virtue is its own reward."
"I dreamed," said a man, "that I was dead and in my grave, and that I could hear the clods dropping on my coffin."
"That means," interpreted the prophet, "that you are a pessimist, and that you have that same infernal tin roofing on your house that I have on mine—I heard it raining last night myself."
"I dreamed," a young girl related, "that I was being run over by a steam roller, and I am anxious to have the dream interpreted because I am sure it is very significant."
"No, you are mistaken," explained the prophet. "And you ought not to be reading those uncensored books on psychoanalysis, for they are very suggestive. What your dream really means is that you have something between your teeth and need a toothpick. The analysis is simple. A toothpick was formerly a goose quill—a quill is part of a feather—feathers help birds to fly—airplanes also fly and have engines—so do steam rollers, the reason steam rollers do not fly is because they roll."
Said a man: "I dreamed that the woman I married and whom I love very dearly had eloped with the janitor. Then I woke up and found that she had, and I want to know what it all means."
"It means," replied the prophet who was very strong on professional ethics, "that your dream has come true and doesn't need interpreting; ask the doorkeeper to give you your money back."
"I dreamed," related another man, "that I had been captured by cannibals; the fire was roaring; the pot boiling; I was led forth, my head laid on the chopping block, the battle ax was lifted—and then the cannibal chief's daughter rushed forward with a joyous cry and flung herself upon my neck in place of the ax and so I was saved."