“Dear Friend,— ... This time I have not brought back any pleasant impressions with me from Petersburg. My operas—I do not know why—have not been given lately, and I feel this the more bitterly because, owing to the unusual success of Oniegin, it appears that the Direction has been urging that it should be given with greater frequency. The new symphony Manfred is completely ignored, for no preparations for its production are being made. In all this I do not recognise any enmity towards me personally, for in truth I have no enemies, but a kind of contempt which is a little wounding to my artistic vanity. Certainly this is an unfavourable year for me. They have decided not to give Les Caprices d’Oxane in Moscow this season, and I had been expecting it so impatiently!
“I have a piece of news for you to-day, which pleased me very much. I had observed that here in Maidanovo the village children are constantly idle and run about without any occupation, which induced me to consult with the local priest about the founding of a school. This has proved to be possible, so long as I assure them an annual sum. I have consented to do so, and the priest began to take the necessary steps about two months ago. The official permission to open a school has arrived and the instruction can begin this week. I am very glad.”
To N. F. von Meck.
“Maidanovo, January 14th (26th), 1886.
“ ... The priest came to see me to-day, and brought me an invitation to the opening of the school on the 19th. I am proud to have initiated this work. I hope some good will come of it. In spite of the greatest care and moderation, I suffer from dyspepsia. It is not serious, and I have no doubt a cure at Vichy will completely set me up.”
To N. F. von Meck.
“Moscow, February 4th (16th), 1886.
“How difficult it is after receiving your money to say in the baldest way,‘Money received, many thanks!’ If only you had an inkling of all the happiness I owe you, and the whole meaning of that ‘independence and freedom’ which are the result of my liberty. Life is an unbroken chain of little unpleasantnesses and collision with human egoism and pride, and only he can rise above these things who is free and independent. How often do I say to myself: Well that it is so, but how if it were otherwise?
“Just lately I had some very unpleasant frictions which only just fell short of open quarrels, but failed to upset me because I could appear to ignore the wrong inflicted upon me. Yes, in the last few years of my life there have been many occasions on which I have sincerely felt the debt of gratitude I owe to you. And yet I usually send you the receipt as if it were a matter of course. My gratitude has no limits, my dear.”
To N. F. von Meck.