XI
POTASH AND PERLMUTTER DISCUSS THE SUGAR QUESTION
One lump, or two, please?
"Ain't it terrible the way you couldn't buy no sugar in New York, nowadays, Mawruss?" Abe Potash said, one morning in November.
"Let the people not eat sugar," Morris Perlmutter declared. "These are war-times, Abe."
"Suppose they are war-times," Abe retorted, "must everybody act like they had diabetes? Sugar is just so much a food as butter and milk and gefullte Rinderbrust."
"I know it is," Morris agreed, "but most people eat it because it's sweet, and they like it."
"Then it's your idea that on account of the war people should eat only them foods which they don't like?" Abe inquired.
"That ain't my idea, Abe," Morris protested; "I got it from reading letters to the editors written by Pro Bono Publicos and other fellers which is taking advantage of the only opportunity they will ever have to figure in the newspapers outside of the births, marriages, and deaths, y'understand. Them fellers all insist that until the war is over everything in the way of sweetening should be left out of American life, and some of 'em even go so far as to claim that we should ought to swear off pepper and salt also. Their idea is that until we lick the Germans the American people should leave off going to the theayter, riding in automobiles, playing golluf, baseball, and auction pinochle, and reading magazines and story-books, y'understand. In fact, they say that the American people should devote themselves to their business, but what business the fellers which is in the show business, the automobile business, and the magazine-publishing business should devote themselves to don't seem to of occurred to these here Pro Bono Publicos at all."
"I guess them newspaper-letter writers which is trying to beat out their own funeral notices must of got their dope from this here Frank J. Vanderlip," Abe commented, "which I read it somewheres that he comes out with a brogan that a dollar spent for unnecessary things is an unpatriotic dollar."