"I am a wretch, I know," said Katherine, the tears in her eyes, her voice breaking; "but I know myself. I am a very lawless individual, and—you had better not urge me."
"What is your objection to me? I haven't been a saint, but I have never done anything I am ashamed of. Why do you shrink from life with me? Come, cast your doubts to the winds, and give me your sweet self. There is no one to love you as I do, and I swear your life shall be a summer holiday."
His words struck her with sudden conviction. It was true there was no one to love her as he did, and what a tower of refuge he would be to the boys! Why should she not think of him? He had been very true to her. Why should she not drive out the haunting image of the man who did not love her by the living presence of the man who did? But, if she accepted him, she must confess her crime; she could not keep such an act hidden from the man who was ready to give his life to her. How awful this would be! And he might reject her; then her fate would be decided for her. Lord de Burgh saw that she hesitated, and pressed her eagerly for a decision.
"You deserve so much gratitude for your kindness, your faithfulness, that—ah! do let me think," covering up her face with her hands. "It is such a tremendous matter to decide."
"Yes, of course, you shall think as much as ever you like," cried De Burgh, rapturously, telling himself "that she who deliberates is lost." "Take your own time, only don't say no," ferociously. "Reflect on the immense happiness you can bestow, the good you can do. Why do you shiver, my darling? If you wish it, I'll go now this moment, and I'll not show my face till—till the day after to-morrow, if you like."
"The day after to-morrow? that is but a short space to decide so momentous a question."
"If you can't make up your mind in twenty-four hours, neither can you in two hundred and forty. I don't want to hurry you, but you must have some consideration for me; imagine my state of mind. Why, I'll be on the rack till we meet again. I fancy a conscientious woman is about the cruellest creature that walks! However, I'll stick to my promise: I will not intrude on you till the day after to-morrow. Then I will come at eleven o'clock for your answer; and, Katherine, my love, my life, it must be 'yes.'"
He took and kissed her hand more than once, then he went swiftly away.
The hours which succeeded were painfully agitated. Katherine felt that De Burgh had every right to consider himself virtually accepted. She liked him—yes, certainly she liked him, and might have loved him, but for her irresistible, unreasonable, unmaidenly attachment to Errington. If she made up her mind to marry him, that would fill her heart and relieve it from the dull aching which had strained it so long; once a wife, she would never give a thought save to her own husband, but, before she reached the profound and death-like peace of such a position, she must tell her story to De Burgh—and how would he take it? With all his ruggedness, he had a keen and delicate sense of honor; still she felt his passion for her would overcome all obstacles for the time, but how would it be afterwards, when they had settled down to the routine of every-day life? It would be a tremendous experiment, but she could not let him enter on that close union in ignorance of the blot on her scutcheon, and then the door would be closed on the earlier half of her life, which had been so bitter-sweet. How little peace she had known since her mother's death! how heavenly sweet her life had been when she knew no deeper care than to shield that dear mother from anxiety and trouble! and now there was no one belonging to her on whose wisdom and strength she had a right to rely. Perhaps, after all, it might be better to accept De Burgh, and end her uncertainties. Though by no means given to weeping, Katherine could not recover composure until after the relief of a copious flood of tears.
"Well, dear!" cried Mrs. Needham, when they were left together after dinner, "I am just bursting with curiosity. What news have you for me? and what have you been doing with yourself? You look ghastly, and I positively believe you have been crying. What have you done? I can't believe that you have refused Lord de Burgh—you couldn't be such a madwoman! Why you might lead——"