“I don’t like the way they house you here. If I stop, I shall insist upon living in a small house, apart from others, where I can make my wife feel that I am lord and master in it.
“The men here seem to be fools. They let the women grow up as strong and healthy as themselves, and it will be difficult to reduce them to civilization again. Isn’t it extraordinary?”
This was as far as the rollicking Augustus had progressed in his narrative, and I was quite sincere when I informed him that I thought it very original indeed.
“Oh, I say, you have got your hair cut!” he cried. “It doesn’t look at all bad, but when you get back to England you will wish you had it back again. But I suppose you felt that you must be in the fashion. It’s a mercy for women that they are at least capable of understanding all matters appertaining to dress. Otherwise, we might expect them to bestow less attention upon our own personal adornment. They can never manufacture anything to equal men’s work, but I will grant them the faculty of criticism. How do you like me in my new clothes?”
Should I have been human if I had failed to retaliate a little? On this occasion I found it impossible to resist the temptation, and replied gravely, “Well, Mr. Fitz-Musicus, I confess that I was rather surprised to see that you also had been persuaded to adopt the National costume, for it makes you look more insignificant than ever, if possible. You will be mistaken for some little boy, playing the truant, if you do not mind. But I daresay my presence will be some little protection to you, and you are sincerely welcome to any assistance I can afford you,”———
“Come, if that isn’t cool!” interrupted Augustus. “I can see just what is the matter. You are jealous of me all round, because I am naturally of more consequence than you are, and because you have no hope of being able to produce half such a book as mine will be. Still, as I said before, I rather like you, and we may as well be friends while we are here. Suppose we try an intellectual topic likely to prove of use in our reminiscences. What did you have for your breakfast?”
I’m afraid that if I had met Mr. Fitz-Musicus in former days, I should scarcely have looked upon him as an individual with whom it was worth my while to waste ten minutes in conversation, and my chief regret now was that New Amazonians were being edified by the nonentities of a man who was by no means a fair specimen of the sort of men my country could turn out. Not that such conceited individuals do not exist in our midst, for I know some one at this moment who may possibly be mistaken for the prototype of the lively Augustus.
Should he or his friends read this, I wish to assure them that above all things I disclaim being personal. It is not quite an impossibility to find two individuals equally addicted to what is termed fast living; equally boisterous in the matter of dress; equally conceited and overbearing; and addicted to the same inane forms of speech. They may, therefore, console themselves with the idea that, however like them my hero may be, the resemblance is only a chance one.
The further progress of my conversation with the Hon. Augustus would not amuse the reader, any more than would a description of the remaining portion of that morning’s excursion, for I lost all interest in what I saw, and my return to the college took place much earlier than I had intended.