“Yes, it is my own doing, Lilias, in this last instance, but you know what has driven me to it. I have told you in what position I was placed. I could not stay on without sacrificing every sense of honour. Surely you can understand and sympathise with me in my misfortune?”
Lilias laughed, a high, hysterical laugh, and threw back her head with a defiant gesture.
“Oh, I understand—yes! I have understood all the time. Your ridiculous quixotic notions have ruined your life, and you don’t care if they ruin mine also. You think of your own feelings, your own discomforts, but you never think of met If you really loved me, you would bear a few discomforts for my sake; but no! it must all go, you must throw it all away. I begged, I implored, I did everything that was in my power to prevent it coming to this. You can’t deny that I did?”
“No, Lilias, I cannot. I am bitterly grieved to remember that you have systematically urged me to act against my conscience.” It was an unexpected answer, almost awful in its unflinching sternness, and Lilias greeted it by a burst of weeping.
“Oh yes, yes, blame me! blame me! It’s not enough that you have brought this misery upon me, but now you must begin to abuse me to my face! It is cruel and cowardly to turn against me like this!”
“Hush, Lilias, oh, hush, hush!” Maud stood before her—Maud’s fingers gripped her arm in remonstrance.
“Think what you are saying. You are surprised and shocked; but you must not, you shall not talk so wildly! Ned is in trouble, and it is your place to comfort him. He has done what is right, and it is harder for him than for you. He needs your help!” But Lilias only sobbed the louder, making no attempt to give the desired comfort, and Ned said sadly—
“I ask no more from you at present, Lilias, than a fair judgment. Maud has given me her sympathy and encouragement, but that seems too much to hope for from you. Try to believe, if possible, that I was not indifferent to your interests. Maud would not allow me to say I had failed because I must suffer temporarily for conscience’ sake; she believes that the day will come when I shall be thankful for this change in my circumstances. Can’t you bring yourself to feel the same; to look forward to a future when I may meet with success instead of reverse?”
“No, I can’t; how can I? It is contrary to reason. You said yourself that you could never hope to be master again, and situations are so difficult to find. I’ve heard father talking, and I know. Sometimes men have to wait years and years before they find an opening, and then it’s a wretched thing with a salary of two or three hundred a year. And you have less chance than many, because your own Works didn’t pay, and you have left these people after such a short time. It will count against you. People will think it is your own fault.”
“Lilias!” cried Maud again, and this time her voice trembled with anger, and her eyes sent out such a flash as her sister had never seen before, “how dare you! How dare you be so cruel! If it were true a hundred times over, how could you have the heart to say so to Ned in the midst of his trouble? For pity’s sake, think what you are doing!”