Her frozen calm was more piteous than tears. Piers groaned, and buried his face in his hands.
“Oh, Vanna, Vanna! my poor, poor darling! What must you think of me? I have failed you after all my vows; and yet, God knows, it is because I love you, because my love is stronger than myself, that I must go! You will never understand, but can’t you believe me? Can’t you trust me still?”
“I know you love me, Piers. Will you write to me when you are away?”
“Will I write? Do you need to ask? I shall live for your letters. There will be nothing else to look for but their arrival, and being able to write back, and tell you all my thoughts. I’ll make a diary for you, dearest; write something every day, so that each mail shall bring you a small volume. We have always maintained that distance could make no difference to our love, but it does this much, darling—it silences angry words! I have made you miserable with my repinings many times these last years; but whatever I might feel, I could never endure to send a hard word travelling to you across the world. It may be happier for you, darling—more peaceful.”
She smiled—a wan, strained smile.
“I won’t try to keep you, Piers, if you want to go, but—I can’t pretend! Letters can never make up. I have been happy—happier than I even thought I could be; but Jean was right, Robert was right—it has not been fair to you. I should not have consented, but I loved you so; I was so tempted. Even now I am not sorry. No; I am not sorry! Even if I never see you again, I have had these years—six years of happiness and love, and you are still young, you have your life ahead—”
He stopped her with his lips on hers.
“You don’t meant it, you don’t believe it. Don’t hurt me, my heart! Be generous; be patient; and I’ll come back more your own than ever. It’s because I love you—because I love you—.”
That was the strain which he dinned into her ears—the one fundamental fact on which all arguments hung; but Vanna’s sore heart could find in it no solid comfort. A love which finds separation easier than loving intercourse is incomprehensible to a woman’s mind.