“Of myself! Of my own weakness! Afraid lest I might give way, and ruin two lives!”
“You knew that I loved you; that I had gone away to prove my love, to see if it would stand the test of absence? It was a serious matter for us both, and I would not let myself act on the spur of an impulse. If I had, Cornelia, you know that I should have spoken long ago!—that night on the river. You knew it at the time. I saw it in your eyes.—I made you promise to let me know if you left Norton during my absence. It was not fair to run away.”
“I never promised! I never did! You asked me, but I didn’t promise. I felt at the time that I must leave.”
The words came in quick, gasping breaths, as a child might speak who tried to justify himself to his taskmaster. Guest’s face softened at the sound, and his grasp of the girl’s arm turned into a caress.
“Darling, don’t you see what that means? You love me, or you would not be afraid. Geoffrey wrote to me giving me warning, but the letter only reached me late yesterday night. I have been travelling ever since. I just managed to be here in time. If I had missed the boat I should have come after you. Do you think a few thousand miles are going to keep us apart, Cornelia?”
She shook her head sadly. “No!—no distance in space, just the distance between our two selves; the distance that can’t be bridged! We belong to different worlds, you and I; we could never be happy together. You love forms and ceremonies, and conventions; all the things that worry me most, and make me feel ugly. It’s the height of your ambition to settle down in your old home, and to keep things rolling along in the same old ruts that they’ve run in for centuries. I want change and excitement, and the newest there is. Your quiet English life would get on my nerves. Poppar and I have had lots of ups and downs, and I’ve never lost grit. I ken bear a good big blow, but to stodge along every day the same dull round would drive me crazed! We live quickly over with us, and you’re so slow. I don’t say that the advantage is all on our side. I used to laugh at English girls, but I don’t any longer, since I’ve known Elma Ramsden. If I were a man, Elma’s the sort I’d want for my wife. You’ll find another like her some day, and be thankful you are free. You love me now, but your love would not stand the strain of pulling separate ways all our lives—”
Guest gazed at her with gloomy eyes.
“You don’t love me, or you would not think of anything else. Whatever may be the differences between us, you are the one woman I have ever wanted for my wife. I can’t bear to let you go. ... Don’t trifle with me for the few minutes that are left. Tell me honestly how we stand. ... Do you love me, Cornelia?”
“I—could!” answered Cornelia, slowly. Her cheeks flushed beneath his gaze, and the white lids drooped over the honest eyes. “It was just finding out how easy it would be, that sent me running home. The people at Norton think it was Poppar’s doing, but I’ll tell you straight that I asked him to send for me. ... Life’s a big chance. We’ve got to make the best we know out of it, for ourselves and other people. I don’t mean to spoil things for us both. ... You didn’t want to love me! Right at the back of your mind you’ve felt all the time that I was not your mate. You went away to think it out; perhaps, if the truth’s known, you were still undecided when the news of my sailing brought you up with a run. When I am gone and you have had time to cool down, you’ll be glad!”
Guest repeated the word with bitter emphasis.