“But why? Why? It doesn’t seem fair. It’s not always their own fault?”
“Of course not. That’s absurd. Some of the best people have the most trials. We’re bound to have our training, Cassandra, dear, and to go on being trained till we’ve mastered our lessons. In that way we all fare alike, but some of us get most of it in this life, and so have the less to learn over there. Whatever happens to us after we die, we are not going to be metamorphosed in a moment into perfected saints; we shall have to go on working our way up, and oh, Cassandra, wouldn’t it be a discouraging feeling to be done with earth, and still drag about the same old sins? How thankful we’ll be when we awake, for every struggle which had thrown off a bit of the load! That’s my explanation of life’s inequalities, and it has helped me more than anything. When the troubles came along,—there were plenty of them, my dear, in the old days—just as a detail I was in love with Martin for eight years before we were engaged!—I used to say to myself: ‘No use shirking; if you don’t fight it out to-day, you’ll have to do it to-morrow.’ It will wait for you, my dear!... Set your teeth, and get it over.”
Cassandra looked at her with thoughtful eyes.
“Eight years!” she repeated softly, “eight years!” and stared again, wistful and perplexed. “You are a continual joy to me, Grizel, and a continual surprise.—I didn’t know that you were a religious woman!”
“But I am,” Grizel said nodding. “Very! In my own way. The worst of it is, it isn’t other people’s way, and they are always getting shocked at me, which is hard lines, for I’m never shocked at them. I’ve needed lots of help all those years, and I’ve always found it, and I wish I could hand over my secrets to you ready made, but it would be no use. We’ve got to worry them out for ourselves, and it takes time before the comfort begins to soak in...”
“I don’t want to learn lessons. I want to be happy,” Cassandra repeated piteously. All the long lean years of her marriage added force to the yearning to take advantage of the long-deferred joy now that it was within her reach. “And I want him to be happy too, but not—with her! Grizel, did you know that she wishes to keep him to his engagement?”
“Yes. I know. She told me.”
“Told you!” Cassandra’s voice took the old haughty ring. “Then she discussed me with you also, and her altruistic efforts on my behalf! Dane is to remain engaged to her as a safeguard against myself. That’s the idea, isn’t it?—Life is a curious business. I never imagined that the time would come when Teresa Mallison would dictate to me!”
Grizel smiled mischievously.
“And doesn’t it rouse the devil in you when she does! Never mind! I’m pleased to see it. It’s a healthy sign under the circumstances. You’ll need a good supply of that pride to see you through the next month, and I guess there’s no fear of its running out.” Then her face sobered, and her voice took a serious tone. “Cassandra! you must try to be fair to Teresa. She’s young and crude, and opinionated, but this has been a great big test, and she’s been rather—fine. I never admired anything more than her composure that day on the cliff. It wasn’t because she didn’t feel. The slight must have been all the worse, just because she is so complacent and sure of herself. She went through torture with her lips shut. She’s even more to be pitied than you, Cassandra, for she was happy, and she believed so firmly that she was going to be happy ever after, and now—at the best—it can never be the same—”