The Summons.
Cassandra returned home to fight her battle hour after hour with weary reiteration. In her mind was one predominating determination,—to be loyal to the son she had borne, and to bring no shame upon his name, but against the cold rock of that decision dashed the waves of a passionate desire. She was starving for love, and the gates of her woman’s kingdom stood open entreating her entrance. All that she had longed for, all that she had dreamt, was waiting for her; the lifting of a hand would bring it to pass. Duty faced passion in grim stolidity; passion lashed itself in fury, only to fall abashed before that impenetrable front. Cassandra had sufficient strength to hold fast to her determination; sufficient weakness to regret its power, and to long, wildly, weakly, overwhelmingly for courage to throw everything to the winds, and snatch her hour of joy.
Grizel had prophesied that the joy would be but of an hour, that continued happiness was impossible under wrong conditions, and in her heart Cassandra acknowledged the truth. Both Dane and herself had lived their lives in an atmosphere of convention and morality; they were not the stuff to defy the world, and live undaunted by snubs and chills. The first wild rapture would be succeeded by mutual loneliness, mutual remorse. On each would press a burden of responsibility for that other dear wrecked life. Cassandra acknowledged the inevitability of regret, in imagination lived through it, saw the cloud on Dane’s face, felt the cramp at her own heart, but even so... even so... they would have had their hour! If the ship were sunk, there would be treasure saved from the wreck. Better to sail forth for the high seas, facing dauntlessly tempest and fire, than to spend the whole of life in a backwater, anchored to a stone!
So the battle waged, hour after hour in weary repetition. Cassandra fought vainly to sink the woman in the mother, and resurrect the old thrills of devotion. She thought of the baby who had lain in her arms, the little cooing, kicking cherub who had been the light of her eyes; she thought of the first toddling steps, of the first coherent word, of the first, the very first time that the little arms stretched out, of the little dimpled baby splashing in a bath. One by one she recalled the landmarks sweet to a mother’s heart, but before them all, veiling them like a cloud, stood the image of a stolid, freckled-face boy in an Eton suit, a boy who signed his letters “Raynor,” considered affection bad form, and preferred to spend the “hols” visiting other fellows’ homes. It was not for the adorable baby of old, but for the Eton-suited boy of to-day that she was to sacrifice her love!
Would he care? Would he really care? Guiltily she allowed her mind to wander down the forbidden path. He would hear nothing. Bernard would keep everything from him until—the divorce. The case would be undefended, no savoury morsels would appear in the newspaper to whet the appetites of the unclean, the vast majority of readers would not notice its presence. Eventually, of course, something would have to be said. Cassandra winced as she imagined Bernard’s bluff words to his son: “Look here, boy, never speak of your mother again. She’s not coming back. Some day you’ll understand; until then do as you’re told, and keep your mouth shut. She’s dead. D’you understand that? Dead and buried so far as concerns us. Never speak of her again.”
Bernard would not abuse a mother to her son, his sense of fair play was too strong; he would simply shut her out from his life, and leave the boy to form his own judgment later on. But with the sharpness of dawning adolescence Bernard junior would sense something wrong, something shameful, flush unhappily beneath the servants’ gaze, and return to school miserably dreading that the fellows had heard!
No! Cassandra could not do it. She could not shame her child. She could not step down from the pedestal on which the most prosaic of sons instinctively places a mother. Every fresh struggle ended in the same most piteous, most womanly cry: “I can’t. I can’t. But oh, Dane, Dane, I want to!”
During these three days Cassandra stayed entirely within the grounds and denied herself to visitors, but she had a constant terror that Teresa would call and force an interview. The girl must suspect some such meeting as had taken place in the summer-house; must realise that her own fate hung in the balance. What more natural than that she should want to plead her own cause? Cassandra stiffened in anticipation. Nothing, she knew, would induce such a reckless disregard of duty as to hear it advocated from Teresa’s lips. For Heaven’s sake, for her own sake, let the girl keep away!
But the days slipped past, and Teresa did not appear, and a new terror dawned in Cassandra’s heart. Suppose instead of coming to herself, the girl went to Bernard and warned him of the threatened danger to his house! Every time that her husband entered the room afresh, Cassandra glanced at his face with an eager scrutiny, and every time Bernard smiled with unruffled cheerfulness and said, “Feeling better, old girl? Had your tonic?”
Grizel had laid down strict injunctions as to the treatment of her patient on her return to the Court, and had perjured herself by giving the Squire a highly pessimistic opinion of his wife’s health, the result of which had been a certain amount of bluff kindliness and unfailing enquiries as to the consumption of tonics. Cassandra detested the idea of Bernard’s hearing the truth from Teresa’s lips, but there were occasions when she burned to tell him herself, occasions when it would have been the greatest relief in the world to say, “I am not ill. I am not suffering from shock. I am in love. I want to elope with your friend Dane Peignton. I am breaking my heart because it’s my duty to stay.”