“I have had to do it, you see!” he added. “The thing which did interest me became impossible, so I was obliged to find something else to fill the gap.”
Cassandra lay back against the cushions with an exaggerated sigh of resignation.
“Oh, dear! here we are back at our Second Bests! I hate Second Bests, and makeshifts of every description, and I don’t recognise any obligation to adopt them. If I can gain an interest only at the cost of something it doesn’t interest me to do, how can it be an interest at all? I’m talking nonsense, but it’s your fault... You are so painfully philosophic... Does a land agency really fill the gap left by the old regiment, and its associations?”
“Nothing near it. But it helps. It is several degrees better than nothing.” Peignton spoke resolutely, but his face twitched, and Cassandra was smitten with compunction.
“Ah! I shouldn’t have said it. It was mean of me. When you are so brave...” Her voice sank to a tenderness of which she was unaware, as she asked the next question: “What was it? I never heard more than just that you had a breakdown!”
“Lungs,” he said simply. “I had a cough, and it stuck to me, and I lost weight, but I never dreamt of anything serious. It was a bit of a—jar! I was packed off home to a sanatorium, and came out at the end of six months with a clean bill of health. I’ve been up to be vetted every few months since. The last time it was a new fellow, and he could not spot the weak place, so I’m all right, you see; it has just made me physically a few years older than I really am. Given care, and an outdoor life, I have as good a chance as another man.”
“Oh, of course. So many people... It’s nothing now, compared with what it used to be,” Cassandra assented hurriedly. That was the reason of the subtly appealing look which had puzzled her from her first meeting with this man! He had looked death in the face; had left the mimic playing at arms, to fight a hand-to-hand battle with that grim spectre through weary weeks and months. Such an experience could not fail to leave its mark, however resolutely it might be ignored. She was silent for some minutes, staring dreamily out of the window, while Dane in his turn studied her face, and wondered in masculine innocence why every woman did not wear chinchilla.
“How do you take it when such blows come?” she asked slowly at last. “Do you rage or sulk? I suppose with ordinary human creatures it comes down to one of the two. Only the saints are resigned, and I don’t fancy you—”
“No, indeed. Very far from it!” He laughed, then sobered quickly. “I suppose I,—sulked! I got the credit for taking it uncommonly well, but that was because I was too proud to fuss. Pity hurt. For my own selfish sake it was easier to bluff it out, and pretend to be hopeful. But inside—I went through a pretty fair imitation of hell in those first few weeks!”
In Cassandra’s low croon of sympathy sounded all the warmth of her Irish heart; her eyes were liquid with sympathy.