“No, I can’t! Not from people I love, for I do love them so badly, that there’s no peace or comfort for me unless they are pleased with me in return. I am not blaming you, dear, but it was the first time, you see, that you have ever taken part against me.”
“Ah, well, it won’t happen again; it’s the last time as well as the first!” sighed Arthur wearily. “I came to tell you, Peg, that Rosalind and I have come to a definite understanding. You knew so much that it is only fair that you should know the whole. You will soon be asked to congratulate her on her engagement to Lord Everscourt.”
Peggy marched to the other end of the room, aimed a deliberate blow at an unoffending wicker work-table and hurled it to the ground. She glared with an expression of savage satisfaction at the miscellaneous articles scattered broadcast over the floor, curled her lips scornfully at her own reflection in the glass, and finally walked back to Arthur’s side, and exclaimed in a tragic voice:
“I knew it! I knew it was coming! She affected to ask my advice, but I told her it was waste of time, as she had really made up her mind what she meant to do. Then she began to cry, and said I was cruel, and went away with you so willingly that I thought perhaps, after all, I had judged too quickly, for she does care for you, Arthur, I know she does! She could not deny that, I suppose?”
“No, she did not deny it. She loves me in her own way, but it’s not my way, Peg—or yours! She would have been happy with me if I had been rich, but she is not prepared to make any sacrifices on my account, and would rather give me up than live a quiet, restricted life. She does not even understand how much she is losing, poor girl, or how little satisfaction she will get in return!”
Peggy set her lips tightly.
“No, she does not understand, and that makes one sorry for her, for she misses just the best thing in life. I used to think when I was a child that the thing I wanted most was for people to love me—not in an ordinary, calm, matter-of-fact sort of way, you know, but to love me frightfully, and care for me more than any one else in the world! I used to put myself to any amount of trouble to be agreeable, for even if I did not care for a person myself, it worried me to death if that person were not devoted to me! There were thirty-six girls at school besides the governesses, so you may imagine how exhausting it was to be nice to them all. Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a mistake. It’s sweet to be loved, but it’s ever so much sweeter to love. It is so inspiring to forget all about one’s tiresome little self, and care more for somebody else. When I love people, I feel,” Peggy threw back her head and expanded her little shoulders with a terrific breath, “omnipotent! There is nothing I could not be or do or suffer to help them. The more they need from me the happier I am. Don’t you know how you feel after listening to a beautiful sermon—that you really wish something disagreeable would happen, to give you an opportunity of behaving well and being sweet and unselfish? Well, that’s just how one feels in a lesser way to the people one loves on earth. It’s how I feel to you at this moment, Arthur darling, when I know you are suffering. I wish I could take all the misery and bear it for you. Is your heart quite broken, you dear old lad?”
“No, Peg, it is not. I feel miserable enough, but I don’t delude myself that I have received a life-long wound. It has been a dream, you know, a schoolboy’s dream, but I always realised that the princess was not for me. She is so lovely that one’s heart goes out to her instinctively, but it never seemed possible to think of her as a part of my work-a-day life. It’s dreary work walking in the cold grey light and realising that the dream is over, but I shall pull myself together as time goes on, and make the best of what remains.”
“You will be surprised to discover how much that is! There are many people left who love you and long to make you happy, and in time to come you will be thankful that things are arranged as they are. There are dozens of other girls who are far better worth winning—”
“But I don’t happen to want them! That makes all the difference!” sighed Arthur sadly. “Ah, Peg, it is easy to be philosophical for another person. I could offer volumes of common-sense consolations to another fellow in my position, but they fall very flat when it comes to one’s own turn. It is impossible to judge for another person.”