No, Peggy reflected, this was quite true; but there had been reasons why she, at least, had avoided tête-à-tête interviews, and she had believed that Mrs Asplin would be even more anxious than herself to leave the dreaded subject untouched. Such, however, was evidently not the case, for no sooner was the garden reached than she burst into impetuous speech.
“Oh, Peggy, child, isn’t this delightful? Isn’t it beautiful? Isn’t it just the most wonderful and unexpected answer to my prayers? Here have I been troubling my foolish head about what was to become of all these dear people when I was not here, and now this smooths every difficulty away. It troubled me to think of my dear girl working for herself, and finding the fight grow harder and harder as the years passed, as all women must, and of Austin left to Mellicent’s scatter-brained care; but you see I might have had more faith, for my fears were needless Esther’s home will be a stronghold for the family, and Professor Reid is so congenial in his tastes that Austin will find unending interest in his society. Of course they could not live together, but you know the vicar has decided that he cannot keep on his parish much longer, as he is not strong enough to do justice to the work, and when the break comes it would be delightful if he and Mellicent could take a little house near Esther in Oxford, where they could see her constantly and have the benefit of her wise advice. It would be a great thing for ‘Chubby,’ too, for she has as much worldly wisdom as a baby, and indeed her dear father is little better. It’s no wonder I am pleased, is it, Peggy, when I think of all that this engagement means?”
Peggy looked at her wonderingly. Flushed cheeks, radiant smiles, eyes ashine with happiness, and all this pleasure at the thought of what was to happen after her own death! Twenty-one drew a breath of dismay, and cried reproachfully:
“I don’t know how you can talk so! I don’t know how you can bear to discuss such things in that complacent fashion. I won’t think of it even, but you seem quite calm about it. You can talk, and even laugh—”
“Yes!” cried Mrs Asplin quickly. “I can! I’m thankful for it. Many a time in these last few weeks, Peggy, I’ve thanked my old father for the gift of his irrepressible Irish spirit, and I’ve thanked God too, dear, that, old and weary as I am, I can still look on the bright side, and keep a cheery heart. It’s a great blessing, Peg, a wonderful blessing, for it helps not only ourselves, but those around us, over many a dismal road. You have the gift, so see that you cultivate it, child, and never let yourself imagine that you are pleasing God by going about with a gloomy face and a furnace of sighs. The world wants all the sunshine it can get, and deary me! what a pleasure it is to see a smiling face! It’s just a real help and lift on the way.”
“It’s a help to see you. I always feel better for it,” returned Peggy earnestly. There was a moment’s silence, then suddenly she clasped her hands round the other’s arm with an eager question. “Tell me, what does it feel like to be face to face with death as you are now? To live with the expectation of it with you day and night? To know for a certainty that it is near? Tell me, how does it feel?”
Mrs Asplin stood still in the middle of the path and drew a long fluttering breath. Her eyes grew rapt, and she clasped the girl’s hand in an ecstasy of emotion.
“Peggy, it’s—wonderful!” she sighed. “It is like being suddenly lifted on to a plateau and seeing life above the clouds! Everything is different, everything is altered! Things that were forgotten before seem now to fill in the whole view; things that were large and looming, seem, oh, so small, so mean and trifling! I look back, and can hardly understand how I worried myself about useless trifles—little shabbinesses about the house, upset of arrangements, clothes and food and holiday-making. When you once realise the uncertainty of life, they seem of such unutterable unimportance. And it helps one to be gentle, too, because if by chance it should happen to be the last day one had to live, how sad it would be to speak hasty words, or to leave some one sorrowing because of neglect or unkindness! It makes one long to do kind things and say cheering words, and oh, so terrified of losing an opportunity which may never come again! The doctor’s verdict was a great shock to me at first, but I am gradually coming to look upon it as one of the greatest of blessings, for it’s a hasty, impetuous creature I’ve been all my days, and this quiet waiting time is going to teach me many lessons. I ought to be grateful and happy that it has been granted me.”
Peggy bit her lips and looked at the ground. She could not trust herself to speak, but in her heart she was saying:
“And after all, she may live longer than I! Every life is uncertain. I ought to feel like that too. I ought to climb up to that high ground above the clouds. It’s because she is a Christian that she feels like that. I used always to think that very good people must be dull and gloomy, but Mrs Asplin is the happiest creature I know, and so full of fun... We used to go to her for help in all our school-day pranks, and now when she knows she is going to die, she is happy still, and quite calm and bright. I should like—oh, I should like to be good like that! One can’t always be young, and pretty, and happy, and strong; and if I am going to be a Christian at all, I want to begin now, and not wait until the troubles begin. That would feel mean! I wouldn’t treat any one on earth like that—ignore him altogether so long as everything went well, and fly to him for help the moment I was in difficulties... That awful night when Arthur told us that the doctors would not pass him for the Army, Mrs Asplin said that there were more ways than one of being a soldier, and I knew what she meant. ‘A soldier of Christ!’ I could be that as well as Arthur, and I have been longing to fight all my life... How does it go? ...