It was awful this morning—positively awful. I should think there was a flood after I left—all the girls howled so, and I was sticking my head out of the carriage window all the journey to get my face cool before I arrived. Father met me at the station, and we spanked up together in the dog-cart. That was scrumptious. I do love rushing through the air behind a horse like Firefly, and father is such an old love, and always understands how you feel. He is very quiet and shy, and when anyone else is there he hardly speaks a word, but we chatter like anything when we are together. I have a kind of idea that he likes me best, though Spencer and Vere are the show members of the family. Spencer is the heir, and is almost always away because he is a soldier, and Vere is away a lot too, because she hates the country, and likes visiting about and having a good time. She’s awfully pretty, but—No! I won’t say it. I hereby solemnly vow and declare that I shall never say nasty things of anyone in this book, only, of course, if they do nasty things, I shall have to tell, or it won’t be true. She isn’t much with father, anyway, and he likes to be made a fuss of, because he’s so quiet himself. Isn’t it funny how people are like that! You’d think they’d like you to be prim and quiet too, but they don’t a bit, and the more you plague them the better they’re pleased.
“Back again, my girl, are you? A finished young lady, eh?” said father, flicking his whip.
“Very glad of it, I can tell you. I’m getting old, and need someone to look after me a bit.” He looked me up and down, with a sort of anxious look, as if he wanted to see if I were changed. “We had good times together when you were a youngster and used to trot round with me every morning to see the dogs and the horses, but I suppose you won’t care for that sort of thing now. It will be all dresses and running about from one excitement to another. You won’t care for tramping about in thick boots with the old father!”
I laughed, and pinched him in his arm. “Don’t fish! You know very well I’ll like it better than anything else. Of course, I shall like pretty dresses too, and as much fun as I can get, but I don’t think I shall ever grow up properly, father—enough to walk instead of run, and smile sweetly instead of shrieking with laughter as we do at school. It will be a delightful way of letting off steam to go off with you for some long country rambles, and have some of our nice old talks.”
He turned and stared at me quite hard, and for a long time. He has such a lot of wrinkles round his eyes, and they look so tired. I never noticed it before. He looked sort of sad, and as if he wanted something. I wonder if he has been lonely while I was away. Poor old dad! I’ll be a perfect angel to him. I’ll never neglect him for my own amusement like Resolution number one! Sentence can’t be finished.
“How old are you, child?” father said at last, turning away with a sigh and flicking Firefly gently with the whip, and I sat up straight and said proudly—
“Nearly nineteen. I begged to stay on another half year, you know, because of the exam, but I failed again in that hateful arithmetic: I’m a perfect dunce over figures, father; I hope you don’t mind. I can sing very well; my voice was better than any of the other girls, and that will give you more pleasure than if I could do all the sums in the world. They tried to teach me algebra, too. Such a joke; I once got an equation right. The teacher nearly had a fit. It was the most awful fluke.”
“I don’t seem to care much about your arithmetical prowess,” father said, smiling. “I shall not ask you to help me with my accounts, but it will be a pleasure to hear you sing, especially if you will indulge me with a ballad now and then which I can really enjoy. You are older than I thought; but keep as young as you can, child. I don’t want to lose my little playfellow yet awhile. I’ve missed her very badly these last years.”
I liked to hear that. It was sad for him, of course, but I simply love people to love me and feel bad when I’m gone. I was far and away the most popular girl at school, but it wasn’t all chance as they seemed to think. I’m sure I worked hard enough for the position. If a girl didn’t like me I was so fearfully nice to her that she was simply forced to come round. I said something like that to Lorna once, and she was quite shocked, and called it self-seeking and greed for admiration, and all sorts of horrid names. I don’t see it at all; I call it a most amiable weakness. It makes you pleasant and kind even if you feel horrid, and that must be nice. I felt all bubbling over with good resolutions when father said that, and begged him to let me be not only his playmate but his helper also, and to tell me at once what I could do.
He smiled again in that sad sort of way grown-up people have, which seems to say that they know such a lot more than you, and are sorry for your ignorance.