Lorna is awfully sweet about it. She said to me, “It was your idea, Una. I shall always feel that it was your gift, and every pleasant hour I spend here will be another link in the chain which binds us together. This visit of yours will be memorable, in more ways than one!” and she looked at me in a meaning fashion which I hated. How more ways than one, pray? I hope to goodness she is not getting any foolish notions in her head. She might know me better by this time.
I don’t know why it is, but I am always depressed after a letter from home. Mother reports that there is no improvement in Vere’s health, and that her spirits are variable—sometimes low, sometimes quite bright and hopeful. Mr Dudley is very good in coming to see her, and his visits always cheer her up. He asked after me last time, hoped that I was enjoying myself and would not hurry back. I am not wanted there apparently, and here they all love having me, and implore me to stay on. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to, but I’ve decided that I will since that last letter arrived. I told Mrs Forbes this morning that I would stay a fortnight longer, and she kissed me and looked quite unreasonably relieved. I can’t see how it matters much to her!
Such a curious thing happened that night, when Wallace and I were talking about books, and discussing the heroine in a novel which he had given me to read.
“Did she remind you of anyone?” he asked, and when I said “No,” “Why, she is you to the life! Appearance, manner, character—everything. It might have been meant for a portrait,” he declared. “I was reading it over last night, and the likeness is extraordinary.”
I privately determined to read the book over again on the first opportunity to discover what I seemed like to other people. The heroine is supposed to be very pretty and charming, but personally I had thought her rather silly, so I did not know whether to feel complimented or not. I determined to introduce the subject to Lorna, and see if she could throw any light upon it, and she did! More light than I appreciated!
“Oh, I liked Nan very well,” she said, “but not nearly so much as Wallace did. He simply raved about her and declared that if he ever met a girl like that in real life he should fall desperately in love with her on the spot. She is his ideal of everything that a girl should be.”
“Oh!” I said blankly. For a moment I felt inclined to tell Lorna everything, but something stopped me, and I am thankful that it did. It would be so horrid to feel she was watching all the time. For once in my life I was glad when she went away, and I was left alone to think.
“Desperately in love!” Can Wallace really be that, and with me? It makes me go hot and cold just to think of it, and my heart thumps with agitation. I don’t feel happy exactly, but very excited and important. I have such a lonely feeling sometimes, and I do so long for someone to love me best of all. At home, though they are all kind enough, I am always second fiddle, if not third, and it is nice to be appreciated! I could never care for Wallace in that way, but I like him to like me. It makes things interesting, and I was feeling very flat and dejected, and in need of something to cheer me up. Of course, I don’t want to do anything wrong, but Wallace is so young, only twenty-four, and has no money, so he couldn’t think of being married or anything silly like that; besides, I’ve heard it is good for boys to have a fancy for a nice girl—it keeps them steady.
In any case, I have promised to stay on for another fortnight, and I couldn’t alter my mind and go away now without making a fuss, and if I stay I can’t be disagreeable, so I must just behave as if Lorna had never repeated that stupid remark. I dare say, if the truth were known, Wallace has fancied himself in love with half-a-dozen girls before now, and it would be ridiculous of me to imagine anything serious. Anyway, I don’t care. I have thought of nothing but other people for months back, and they don’t seem to miss me a bit, but only hope I won’t hurry back. I’m tired of it. Now I am going to enjoy myself, and I don’t care what happens!