But Sophie’s endurance was broken by weeks of suffering, and her bright spirit was momentarily under an eclipse.
“Everybody doesn’t have to bear them! Things are so horribly uneven,” she cried grudgingly. “Look at your friend Miss Willoughby, with that angel of a mother, and heaps of money, and health, and strength, and a beautiful home, and able to have anything she wants, as soon as she wants it. What does she know of trouble?”
Claire thought of Janet’s face, as it had faced her across the table in the refreshment room, but it was not for her to betray another’s secret, so she was silent, and Sophie lifted a spray of pink roses, and held them against her face, saying wistfully—
“You’re a good little soul, Claire, and it’s because you are good that I want to know what your opinion is about all this trouble and misery. What good can it possibly do me to have my life ruined by this illness? Don’t tell me that it will not be ruined. It must be, in a material sense, and I’m not all spiritual yet; there’s a lot of material in my nature, and I live in a material world, and I want to be able to enjoy all the dear, sweet, natural, human joys which come as a right to ordinary human beings. I want to walk! Oh, my dear, I look out of these windows sometimes and see all the thousands and thousands of people passing by, and I wonder if a single one out of all the crowd ever thinks of being thankful that he can move! I didn’t myself, but now—when I hobble along—”
She broke off, shaking back her head as though to defy the rising tears, then lay back against the pillows, looking at Claire, and saying urgently—“Go on! Tell me what you think!”
“I think,” Claire answered slowly, “that we are bound to grow! The mere act of death is not going to lift us at once to our full height. Our training must go on after we leave this sphere; but, Sophie dear, some of us have an extra hard training here, and if we bear it in the right way, surely, surely when we move up, it must be into a higher class than if things had been all smooth and easy. There must be less to learn, less to conquer, more to enjoy. You and I are school-mistresses and ought to realise the difficulties of mastering difficult tasks. Don’t look upon this illness as cheating you out of a pleasant holiday, dear—look upon it as special training for an honours exam.!”
Sophie smiled, her old twinkling smile, and stroked Claire’s hand with the spray of roses.
“I knew you’d say something nice! I knew you’d put it in a quaint, refreshing way. I shall remember that, when I am alone, and feel courage oozing out of every pore. Two o’clock in the morning is a particularly cheery time when you are racked with pain! Claire, I asked the doctor to tell me honestly whether there was any chance of my ever taking up the old work again, and he said, honestly, he feared there was none.”
“But Mrs Willoughby—”
“I asked that, too. He says he quite hopes to get me well enough to go to Egypt in October or November, and that I should certainly be much better there. It would be the best thing that could happen if it came off! But—”